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Tag Archives: relationships

Jul302020Aug 7 2020

What’s a White Church Lady to Do?

by Christina Fox, in category Racial Reconciliation

I’m no expert on race relations. Far from it. But I am experienced in messing up when it comes to race.

As a white woman who spent most of her life in Mississippi, I should have been prepared for God to expose some blind spots. After all, for years He’s continually peeled back layer after layer of how I selfishly see the world around me. First, He started by letting me see other people at all. When I was young, He pointed out the girl who did not quite fit in at elementary school. As a shy adult, I felt Him urge me to go up to a church visitor and introduce myself. After I recently moved to another state, He forced me to be the new person, understanding what it feels like to be unsure of social cues, blushing when I stood alone at a church event, or dreading more small talk while hoping it would yield a friend I could share a cup of coffee with.

Lately God is peeling back another layer, showing me how I don’t love my black neighbors well.

Wanting to Help

Weeks ago, I watched the news of George Floyd. I heard the helicopters swirling over nearby protest marches. News like his death had bothered me before, yet those stories seemed to be just that, stories that happened “somewhere else.” The coverage of George Floyd’s death felt different. Instead of my usual reaction of thinking wow, that’s terrible or talking about it with my husband after work, I felt restless and like I should do something. But I didn’t know what.

God gently peeled back to the next layer of sin—my lack of empathy. He convicted me to check in on my black friends. And, I felt ashamed I did not have many black friends to check on. One friend was back in Mississippi. We had served together in church ministry. After I moved to Texas, she checked on me if she heard of fires or storms happening in my new home state. I asked myself now, why was I not checking on her in the wake of all this?

Our friendship had included talking about race in how we did church ministry, but I had not connected the dots of thinking of her in context of the national news. As a mother of a black son. A wife of a black man. The things I would do for any friend— call, text, write, give space to process, make banana bread for— did not occur to me as it would if my same black friend had suffered a miscarriage, gotten a cancer diagnosis, or lost her mother. I did not understand how the knee on George Floyd affected my friends of color. I was a fool for not seeing it. It would be unloving to not reach out.

Then, I went to fear. What to say? What if I made things worse? I had not read enough books about race in the church. I regretted my failure to educate myself, and I felt painfully unprepared to love my black friends….

Mar112019Feb 7 2019

Wisely Timed Words

by Christina Fox, in category Relationships
LAURA BOOZ|GUEST “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11 It was one of those afternoons with a thousand commitments. The kids and I loaded the van with the snacks and bags and strollers we’d need in order to make the most out of our trip into… Read More
Jan312019Jan 14 2019

Redemptive Relationships: Refusing to Let False Narratives Rule

by Christina Fox, in category Relationships

KRISTEN HATTON|CONTRIBUTOR

We hadn’t seen each other very much lately, or even texted in our usual way.  I knew we had both been busy, so I hadn’t thought much of it. I have lots of friends I don’t see very often because of proximity, different life stages or work schedules, but we always pick right back up as if no time had passed. Assuming the same would be true with this friend, I had looked forward to seeing her at an event later that week.

But the big hug and incessant catch up session I expected didn’t come. Instead my presence was barely acknowledged. Not knowing what to make of her icy reception, I pretended not to notice, opting instead to keep trying to get the conversation going. I kept asking questions hoping to make things feel normal, only it was never reciprocated which left me hurt and confused.

Back home, later that night and into the next day and week, I kept replaying this whole scenario in my head. But the longer I dwelt on it, the more my hurt turned to indignation and I became convinced of my own narrative. Of course, at this point I didn’t know what was really true, but it didn’t matter. I felt justified in thinking how dare she be mad at me for not texting or calling her, when she hadn’t reached out to me either. Ironically, in the same way I felt like she wanted me to “pay” some consequence for something I knew nothing about and I now wanted her to pay. For I deserved a better friend than what she’d shown me!

I know I’m not alone in this line of thinking even though we usually don’t tease it out.

Sep242018Sep 24 2018

Sharing Stories for the Sake of Christ

by Christina Fox, in category Spreading the Gospel
ELIZABETH TURNAGE|GUEST Stories first drew me to Christ. I was a lost young girl who had little exposure to the Bible or church growing up. When I was twelve, I began attending a private school that my parents chose primarily for its strong academic reputation. The school just “happened” to be a Christian school. There… Read More
Jul92018Jun 24 2018

Mentoring Relationships and the Obstacle of Fear

by Christina Fox, in category Relationships
LINDA BARRETT|GUEST Recently, I attended a women’s retreat. My roommate was especially surprised when two of our younger condo-mates asked to meet with us regularly. I’m old—like Medicare and retirement old— but I’ve mentored before, so I wasn’t completely shocked. However, my friend, who is 15+ years younger than me, was stunned. Why? Why were… Read More
Oct22017Sep 30 2017

I am My Beloved’s

by Christina Fox, in category Singleness

ELLEN DYKAS|CONTRIBUTOR I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine, He who pastures his flock among the lilies. Song of Songs 6:3 “My heart just isn’t in a place to receive your initiative towards me.” With these words, I ended a short-lived dating relationship years ago. I hung up the phone and sighed with a touch of… Read More

Apr242017Apr 5 2017

When Anger Rears Its Ugly Head

by Christina Fox, in category Emotions

DUSKI VAN FLEET|GUEST I’ve been trying to get control of my temper since my husband and I were married.  A day planned and interrupted by children with different agendas; a husband who needs my support instead of first offering his, longings unrealized; efforts unseen—all of this often leads me not to a dependent conversation with… Read More

Nov102016Oct 18 2016

When Peacemaking Causes Conflict

by Christina Fox, in category Relationships

TARA BARTHEL|CONTRIBUTOR The PCA Book of Church Order Appendix on Biblical Conflict Resolution states that “Biblical peacemaking is one of God’s highest priorities (Matt. 5:23-24; Rom. 12:18; Gal.6:1); therefore, it must be one of our highest priorities.” But what about those times when we sincerely go to “make peace” and it ends up creating greater… Read More

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Recent Posts

  • Introducing the Heidelberg Catechism to Children
  • E-121 Remember the Beauty and Blessing of Belonging with Susan Hunt
  • Waiting Beyond the Waiting
  • Words Matter: Honoring the Sanctity of Life with our Words
  • E-120 Remember God is Able to Fulfill His Purpose and Plan for Your Life with Leslie Bennett
  • Remember to Remember

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