We hadn’t seen each other very much lately, or even texted in our usual way. I knew we had both been busy, so I hadn’t thought much of it. I have lots of friends I don’t see very often because of proximity, different life stages or work schedules, but we always pick right back up as if no time had passed. Assuming the same would be true with this friend, I had looked forward to seeing her at an event later that week.
But the big hug and incessant catch up session I expected didn’t come. Instead my presence was barely acknowledged. Not knowing what to make of her icy reception, I pretended not to notice, opting instead to keep trying to get the conversation going. I kept asking questions hoping to make things feel normal, only it was never reciprocated which left me hurt and confused.
Back home, later that night and into the next day and week, I kept replaying this whole scenario in my head. But the longer I dwelt on it, the more my hurt turned to indignation and I became convinced of my own narrative. Of course, at this point I didn’t know what was really true, but it didn’t matter. I felt justified in thinking how dare she be mad at me for not texting or calling her, when she hadn’t reached out to me either. Ironically, in the same way I felt like she wanted me to “pay” some consequence for something I knew nothing about and I now wanted her to pay. For I deserved a better friend than what she’d shown me!
I know I’m not alone in this line of thinking even though we usually don’t tease it out.
ELLEN DYKAS|CONTRIBUTOR I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine, He who pastures his flock among the lilies. Song of Songs 6:3 “My heart just isn’t in a place to receive your initiative towards me.” With these words, I ended a short-lived dating relationship years ago. I hung up the phone and sighed with a touch of… Read More
DUSKI VAN FLEET|GUEST I’ve been trying to get control of my temper since my husband and I were married. A day planned and interrupted by children with different agendas; a husband who needs my support instead of first offering his, longings unrealized; efforts unseen—all of this often leads me not to a dependent conversation with… Read More
TARA BARTHEL|CONTRIBUTOR The PCA Book of Church Order Appendix on Biblical Conflict Resolution states that “Biblical peacemaking is one of God’s highest priorities (Matt. 5:23-24; Rom. 12:18; Gal.6:1); therefore, it must be one of our highest priorities.” But what about those times when we sincerely go to “make peace” and it ends up creating greater… Read More