relationships

Sanctifying Relationships

KRISTI MCCOWN | GUEST My personal struggle is, most of the time, “between my ears,” as Susan Tyner would say. My mind is a battlefield—a place where intrusive thoughts, fears, and sinful desires battle for control. Relationships are at the top of the list of the daily battles that I struggle with. This is why I am grateful for gospel friends. “Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” This C.S. Lewis quote from the book The Four Loves came to mind when I listened to the podcast “Risky Obedience” by Karen Hodge and Susan Tyner. Their conversation has been a breath of fresh air for my soul. The vulnerability they share is life-giving to me. One of Karen's questions in the first episode that struck me was, “Why is it risky? What do we risk when we enter relationships with other people?” Relationships, for me, are equal parts messy and wonderful. Much of the pain throughout my life has come from the way I respond to conflicts with others. I have a strong desire to be liked. My love language is words of encouragement, but the flip side of that is that I fear criticism. I fear what others think of me. So, when someone criticizes me or points out an error, I tend to fall apart. My reaction is to cover, hide, or blame. I believe the childhood saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is incorrect because words do hurt. There is another childhood rhythm that says, "I'm rubber, and you're glue; what bounces off me sticks to you.” Both statements make it sound as though the words people say to us have no effect. But they do. In fact, they often have a lasting impact, leaving scars that last far longer than any schoolyard fight or tumble. Even more, if others hit us with hurtful words, our sinful desire will be to hurt them back. Karen Hodge reminded me so sweetly in this podcast that “we speak out of the overflow of our hearts.” We see this in our cutting and sarcastic jabs, in the ways we place blame on others, or in our defensive responses. Whatever is in our hearts will come out when we have a conflict with another person. I know that all too well. As I continue to think about how I respond to the messiness of interpersonal relationships, the podcast left me with two encouragements...

Sanctifying RelationshipsChristina Fox2025-03-10T18:03:29+00:00

Don’t Hoard Peace

SUSAN BENNETT|GUEST "You can't keep this" are the last words someone who struggles with hoarding ever wants to hear. If you ever watched one of those reality shows about hoarding, you know that hoarders surround themselves with items, so much so, that they can’t maneuver around their homes. I once knew someone who tried to take control of their life with this activity to her own demise. It caused great ruin to both her physical home and her familial relationships. When God blesses us with material or spiritual gifts, it is always for the benefit of sharing them with others. God never intends for His children to hoard the blessings they receive, especially the gift of His peace. Biblical Peace Peace in Scripture, both Old and New Testaments, carries several ideas. Most importantly, completeness and wholeness are related to love and loyalty to God and others, which are at the core of the Gospel of Peace. The Hebrew word for Peace is shalom, which holds this same beautiful idea. This gift of peace comes to us per God's counsel from before the foundation of the world. (Eph. 1:11-12) As with all the good gifts God gives His children (James 1:17), they are as unchanging as He is. His peace is perfect and, therefore, constant and reliable even when our lives are anything but. We can trust God's peace when war rages out in the world or even at our front door! Perfect Peace "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee because he trusts in You" (Is. 26:3). Can you hear the hope in this verse? Notice the two actions of God in exchange for the two by man. First, God keeps him, and second, He provides for his peace. And not just any peace but "perfect peace." I like the ring of perfect peace, don't you? In this instance, to keep means to guard as with a garrison. God's keeping of us is serious business. God's perfect peace is His provision of protection, like a defensive weapon. Wow, a peace that guards like an army of soldiers!...

Don’t Hoard PeaceChristina Fox2024-12-26T19:38:33+00:00

The Assumptions We Make

LISA UPDIKE | GUEST We were getting pedicures—a splurge! Two women sat at our feet, trimming our nails, and chatting. One of them said something and they both began giggling. My daughter and I exchanged glances. We couldn’t speak their language and the first thing we assumed was that they were laughing at one of our feet. Haven’t you made those types of assumptions? Conversation is flowing, you hear it down the hall…you walk in…things fall silent. “Were they talking about me?” Someone looks up and then away. “Are they trying to avoid me?” You send a text with cute emojis, get a one-word response, and immediately think, “Is she mad at me?” The Danger with Assumptions Ugh! Soon we’re enslaved by our assumptions. Our concern over what someone might be thinking robs us of freedom while our inner middle-school girl begins to run our life. We avoid relationships, assuming that others will judge us for our struggles. We might dodge the put-together woman at church because, juice on our blouse, we’re worried she’ll critique our disheveled appearance. Meanwhile, she is desperately lonely, and misses being with children. We move through our lives, thinking we know the hearts and minds of others, behaving as if our assumptions are actually facts. How careful we must be, for it is from the well of such assumptions that we are prone to draw insecurity—a poisonous drink...

The Assumptions We MakeChristina Fox2024-10-19T12:45:43+00:00

Christian Love in Times of Political Division

AMANDA DUVALL | GUEST Among the cute photos of babies, puppies, and family vacations on social media— you see it. A friend from church posts a political message, and you cannot believe they vote for that person. Or support that cause. Or believe that news story. Maybe you reach for the quick “unfollow” button so you don’t have to see their posts anymore. Now, what happens when we walk into church and run into that person? We want to do the real world equivalent of an “unfollow.” Remove that person from our lives— if not entirely, at least put some distance between us. On the outside, everything probably looks the same, but the communion once shared has shifted, maybe even broken. This is not to downplay the real hurt we can experience in our relationships as the world becomes more politicized. It’s not just the election—there is almost no part of our society, public or private, untouched by politics. Maybe because of this, we tend to think our divisiveness today is so uniquely difficult for the Church to navigate. But then we read the New Testament. The first Christians hailed from every walk of life, and so, it was not uncommon to find a rich and educated individual, who just last month was participating in pagan rituals, right alongside a poor Jew, who had no power or property and adhered to some very strict personal ethics. Imagine for a second with me, then, what these relationships might have looked like— so easily laced with misunderstanding and awkwardness, offense, hurt, and downright rudeness. There was no earthly reason for these people to share anything in common. But in telling the Colossians about their new community, Paul says this, “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all” (3:11)...

Christian Love in Times of Political DivisionChristina Fox2024-10-02T15:17:23+00:00

From Bitterness to Forgiveness

JULIANNE ATKINSON |GUEST Seventeen years ago, someone who I thought highly of hid behind a computer and lied to me. I did mental gymnastics to attribute their best intentions to the lie. It was like talking to a piece of wood. I didn’t know at the time the price I would pay for the lie and it took me much longer to accept that I was the one to have to pay it. My closest relationships, parts of my reputation, and even some hopes and dreams I had for my life were damaged. It felt impossible to come back from. As image bearers, we have inside us a strong sense of both justice and mercy. It’s no accident that God makes it hard to let go of what we see as injustice. Our glorious God manages to uphold both justice and mercy perfectly. We are encouraged with verses not only asking us to forgive, but also requiring it (Matt. 18:21-35; Eph. 4:32). I love the tender words of Paul in Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” We could think of the quote “vengeance is mine” with a tight, angry fist or even with bitterness that we can’t take revenge ourselves, but the command is actually an invitation. God calls us as His beloved to let the tears flow, let our laments be heard in heaven, and let our Savior walk alongside us in our grief. We do so, knowing that God will tread the winepress of wrath and personally wipe every tear from our eyes. There is peace and humility in our finitude. He knows every offender’s true motives, generational sins and brokenness, background of trauma, and pain that leads hurt people to hurt people. He alone knows what justice demands in every circumstance. Three Lessons in Forgiveness This doesn’t make forgiveness easy. Here are three things I wish I had known about forgiveness from the start. First, the road of healing is longer for some sins than others...

From Bitterness to ForgivenessChristina Fox2024-09-23T15:35:30+00:00

Modeling a Life of Surrender

KATIE FLORES|GUEST When I was a little girl, I enjoyed hanging posters on my wall. Some of them were more edifying than others, but one of my favorites had a picture of a rainbow with the words from Philippians 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” When I felt discouraged or needed a bit of courage, these words reminded me that God was at work in my life, and He would bring His plans to completion. These words still bring me comfort. I now have a daughter of my own, and we remind each other of this truth on a weekly basis because it’s so easy to forget. So often, I start to believe the lie that everything depends on me, that I’ve got to figure everything out on my own. When I believe this, my hands grip tightly to anything that makes me feel like I have control rather than holding my hands open in a posture of surrender. I may start searching the internet when I don’t feel like I have enough information. Not enough money? I begin to hoard rather than trust God for His provision. When I experience the limits of my time, I somehow find myself mindlessly scrolling my social media feed, rather than stewarding my time well. It’s discouraging that these things give me the illusion of control, while the Sovereign King of the Universe is watching me strive rather than resting in Him. But my daughter is watching me. My son is watching as well. The children I teach in Sunday School are watching. They all watch to see if my actions match my words. My words tell them that we worship a Mighty God who is sitting on His throne ruling the world. Do my actions show them I believe this to be true?...

Modeling a Life of SurrenderChristina Fox2024-05-20T17:35:02+00:00

The Beauty of Intergenerational Friendship

KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR I was 19 years old and back home in Tampa for the summer. My freshman year of college was a spiritual crucible, deepening my faith and love for Jesus. I was excited about my growing understanding of the Bible, and being a volunteer youth group leader at my home church seemed a great way to invest my time that summer. The dividends were greater than expected. A Beloved Sister in Christ Soon, I met a fellow youth volunteer named Judy who exuded warmth, kindness, and passion for Jesus. Despite the generation gap, Judy and I connected instantly. That summer we got to know each other as we led a group of teenage girls through a study of 2 Timothy. Judy was old enough to be my mother, but she didn’t treat me like a child. She valued my opinions and ideas. She extended grace to me amidst my youthful foolishness and pride and treated me as a sister in Christ. We became friends. The summer concluded and I returned to college, but Judy and I remained connected. In the days before cell phones and email, our bond was nurtured through pouring out our hearts in letters, and cherished visits during holidays and school breaks. Judy’s consistent encouragement, genuine interest in my life, and unwavering support was a gift to me. Life unfolded. I married, became a parent, and embarked on my own journey. Meanwhile Judy continued her tireless service in the church, especially among youth and women. Out of a heart overflowing with compassion, she eventually founded a ministry for single mothers. Judy cared for hundreds of women and their children, providing practical resources and spiritual nourishment. While my friendship with Judy waned over the years, a bond remained, and her example of faith and service continued to teach me. The Scriptures point to the value of relationships, like mine with Judy, that span life-stages and generations. A Call to Intergenerational Friendship In Luke’s Gospel, we witness how young Mary and aging Elizabeth turned to one another as they faced pregnancies that were impossible without God. Imagine the solace they found in each other as they traded stories of angelic visits and experienced shared awe at the unfolding miracles growing within them...

The Beauty of Intergenerational FriendshipChristina Fox2024-05-07T17:01:41+00:00

A Match (un)Made in Heaven

JAMYE DOERFLER | CONTRIBUTOR I think about heaven a lot. When I’m sad because I’m watching a loved one’s body break down, or because human impact on the environment brings destruction and death, I look to what I know about heaven. In heaven, we will be given new bodies and will inhabit a new earth. One thing will not be made new? Our marriages. The cliché is, “it’s a match made in heaven.” However, in reality, every match made on earth will be unmade in heaven. Consider Jesus’ conversation with the Sadducees in Matthew 22. Marriage Unmade The Sadducees, who did not believe in the resurrection and were trying to make Jesus look foolish, asked a hypothetical question: “Teacher, Moses said, ‘If a man dies having no children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.’ Now there were seven brothers among us. The first married and died, and having no offspring left his wife to his brother. So too the second and third, down to the seventh. After them all, the woman died. In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her.” “But Jesus answered them, ‘You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.’” (Matthew 22:24-30)...

A Match (un)Made in HeavenChristina Fox2024-02-04T20:09:30+00:00

The Beautiful Burden of Caregiving

KATIE POLSKI | CONTRIBUTOR While in my early thirties, my mom was diagnosed with a debilitating brain disease. I was told by the doctor that she would lose every ability “from her head to her toes.” Within months of the diagnosis, mom lost the ability to form words. Shouts, groans, and tears became her agonizing way of communicating. Not long after, she lost the use of her legs and hands. My father passed away years before mom’s diagnosis, and since I was the only sibling who lived in the same town, I quit my job and assumed the role as primary caretaker. She lived for two years after the diagnosis, so between caring for my young children and keeping up with life’s ongoing demands, caring for mom often felt burdensome. As I’ve watched friends face the inevitable challenges that accompany aging or ill parents, it’s become clear that my sentiment was not unique. But what I discovered amid the challenging journey, by the grace of God, is that the burdensome call of caregiving is also one that is profoundly and incomparably beautiful. The Burdensome Exhortation Scripture makes abundantly clear that we are to honor our parents (Deut. 5:16; Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:2). Though short, these verses are layered with meaning, and it is easy to apply them in the way we see fit. It’s important, however, to take care to not interpret these words from God based on our own feelings or agendas. The Pharisees did this, and Jesus rebuked them (Matt. 15:3-6). For us to obey this command, trust in God’s perfect Word is required. There are times when honoring parents is confusing, challenging, and difficult. And while honoring may look different from one situation to the next, there are no caveats given with these verses, though we sometimes wish there were. One of the many ways we honor our parents is by caring for them in their time of need, and not because of what they have or have not done for us, but because sacrificial love has been demonstrated for us in the gospel...

The Beautiful Burden of CaregivingChristina Fox2024-01-21T14:50:48+00:00

Be Human Evangelism

LAUREN HOLBROOK | GUEST What comes to your mind when you hear the word evangelism? You may have a memory of hearing the gospel for the first time at a VBS or you were blessed to hear a missionary share an incredible testimony of someone in their community coming to faith. For me I think back to my experience of beach evangelism, which was a key component of my summers serving with a college ministry. This one hour in my week was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time! Through my 12 years of college ministry experience, my primary framework for evangelism came from Matthew 28:19, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” I received incredible training and felt equipped to talk about spiritual things. Often the Lord provided an opportunity, and I would share the bridge diagram or another evangelistic tool to clearly articulate the good news of the gospel to my friend or neighbor. My passion was fueled by the Great Commission, and this is what led my family to say yes to the call of church planting. Church Planting to the “Post-Christian” What I did not realize is the way I went about evangelism on a college campus in the Southeast is very different than the method of evangelism I used during my time of church planting in the Northeast. My husband and I had the privilege of church planting in Fairfield, Connecticut, which is a commuter town about an hour outside of New York City. Although we were located in New England, a region where revival had come during the Great Awakening, the spiritual climate there today is primarily “post-Christian.” Our area was named as one of the top 10 post Christian cities in America according to the Barna Group. To qualify as “post-Christian,” individuals had to meet criteria like: Do not believe in God Identify as atheist or agnostic Disagree that faith is important in their lives Have not prayed to God (in the last week) Have never made a commitment to Jesus Have not attended a Christian church (in the last 6 months) Have not read the Bible (in the last week) Not Born Again[1] Most of my neighbors, mom friends, teachers in my daughter’s school, and other acquaintances would check these boxes and identify themselves as a non-religious person. They did not believe in God. They did not consider faith an important part of their lives. They also had an aversion to evangelism. So how do you bring the good news to someone who wants nothing to do with Christianity?...

Be Human EvangelismChristina Fox2023-10-21T15:43:33+00:00