pastor’s wives

Because He Knows: Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives

ALICE KIM | CONTRIBUTOR We lived on the seminary campus for the first couple of years of marriage. Shortly after settling in, we hosted our first guests and I was asked, “Do you feel called to be a pastor’s wife?” When I met my husband, he was a missionary. I didn’t know then what dating a missionary entailed, let alone marrying a pastor. Though there was a period before we walked down the aisle and exchanged our wedding vows where I wrestled with God about my future and confessed how hard it was to have open hands, I don’t recall a defining moment where I was called. Over the years, I’ve heard from many women who share their experience of being called to be a pastor’s wife. This is wonderful! However one comes to the role, the varied journeys speak to the beauty, richness, and complexity of how each woman bears the privileged position to serve alongside her husband. And given the challenging reality that nearly two in five pastors have considered leaving full-time ministry from burnout and discouragement,[1] a wife’s strong, wise, courageous, and steadfast presence is irreplaceable. GOD KNOWS AND THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE In Psalm 1, the comparison between the blessed and the wicked man and the similes of a tree and chaff captures our attention and imagination. But just as a good conclusion ties everything together, the three letter word “for” in verse 6 (“for the Lord knows the way of the righteous”) invites us to slow down and consider its important implication. The word “for” not only serves as a bridge to the preceding five verses, but it also signals to us that there is more. It tells us the reason why a blessed man thrives: because the Lord knows. His identity is rooted in God’s knowledge of him. And that makes all the difference...

Because He Knows: Encouragement for Pastors’ WivesChristina Fox2023-10-12T15:58:35+00:00

Supporting Your Pastor’s Wife

LEAH JONES|GUEST I watched as a green inchworm crawled up the arm of the preacher’s suit during the middle of his sermon. I could hear the whispers in the pews around me as people speculated as to how the situation might end. But before the worm could make its way inside his suit and wreak even more havoc, I calmly walked up to the pulpit, brushed the small disruptive insect off the pastor’s sleeve, and returned to my seat. Anyone could have done what I did. We all knew he wouldn’t mind a momentary disruption to avoid disaster. But not everyone felt it was their job to help. I knew the job was mine alone. I was the pastor’s wife. A Unique Role A pastor’s wife faces tricky situations, most of which don’t involve inchworms. She has unspoken expectations placed upon her and few people with whom she can have transparent conversation. The women who serve in this vital role don’t have the typical avenues of care or companionship other women may take for granted, not because they don’t have friends or parishioners who love them; rather, because the calling to the role of “pastor’s wife” is layered with relational complexity...

Supporting Your Pastor’s WifeChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:44:45+00:00

WE: A Ministry for Elders’ Wives

I admit navigating the busyness of my own ministry life felt like its own frazzling challenge. And adding to that the task of getting out the door with an infant-necessity-packed car and my two tiny children to drive forty-five minutes “off island” in south Florida felt like an almost insurmountable challenge. In the beginning, I questioned if it was really necessary that I go to all the trouble. Yet each week, the seat I found waiting for me, and the greeting, “Good morning, Meaghan!” reminded me that I wasn’t alone. Not Made to do Ministry Alone We all have stories of isolation and even frustration in ministry. Ministry can be hard. We have full plates and limited time. During this now-and-not-yet in the biblical story of redemption, the Fall impacts our own hearts, our homes, and our churches. It makes it hard to connect. This is why the gift of a seat next to Sherry Kendrick was so inviting for me. She saw me and encouraged me. I really didn’t know I needed it, but she did. Ephesians 4:15-16 encourages us, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." As a veteran Teaching Elder’s wife, Sherry did what she knew. In love, she sought to strengthen the body of Christ. She knew this took intentionality and sacrifice, and seeing a need, she shared her gifts and graces. She poured into my life the way that Susan Hunt and Barbara Thompson had poured into hers. She offered herself. She drove me in the large church van to Orlando to attend my first PCA Women’s Ministry conference, Grace 360. Her enthusiasm was contagious. Maybe it wasn’t necessarily flashy, but Sherry went to great lengths to arrange a Bible study in her church fellowship hall complete with wonderful childcare and warm casseroles, and then Sherry personally invited all the young ministry wives in the presbytery to attend! These connections were nourishment for my tender soul. She took me in as I was. She listened, she prayed, she reminded me of the goodness of our God of HESED. She was safe, and always had a favorite book on hand and a warm smile. I can still recount the ministry stories, real life anecdotes, laughs, and crazy shenanigans of those precious mornings. Sherry gave me eyes to see what ministry looked like further down the road. Then, she introduced me to her friends. Never missing a beat, these friends introduced me to their friends, and before I knew it, I had a community of care and support. We were not made to live life alone. We were not made to do ministry alone....

WE: A Ministry for Elders’ WivesChristina Fox2023-03-24T18:13:56+00:00

Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives in the Wake of COVID

KATIE POLSKI|CONTRIBUTOR My husband is a senior pastor, and we’ve served in ministry together for almost twenty-five years. Amidst the numerous joys and challenges of church life through the years, we have not felt before the kind of spiritual and emotional fatigue that has resulted from the effects of the COVID pandemic. Everyone has been burdened in some way by the pandemic, some more so than others, but because of my perspective as a pastor’s wife, I have a tenderness toward the stories I’ve heard from various pastor’s wives during this unique time. Weeds of Discouragement I’ve talked with some who feel defeated after thinking through new and innovative ways to carry on with ministries they’re involved with only to be met with little support. Other pastor’s wives seem to have relented to the seed of bitterness after hearing polarizing views from discontented members who swarmed their opinion through email, phone calls, and texts. And one dear pastor’s wife watched as the effects of the pandemic so permeated the congregation that the doors of the young church plant were closed permanently. It’s easy to surrender to discouragement in light of the challenges in church ministry during the last year, but there are good reasons to push away the frustrated emotions. A bleak attitude can too easily lead to weeds planted in our heart, and these weeds produce buds when watered with our judgmental attitudes toward congregants. And they grow quickly when we blame our burdens on a particular decision or unwelcomed path. Satan loves to see our hearts overgrown with these weeds which cause us to forget that God is working in and through His church...

Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives in the Wake of COVIDChristina Fox2023-03-24T18:21:10+00:00