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Her View from the Pew: Reflections from a Pastor’s Wife

KATIE POLSKI | CONTRIBUTOR I was twenty-three years old, had a two-year-old and a two-month-old, and my husband had just started a new position as a senior pastor at a church where I knew no one. Just weeks into our new calling, I snuck away for a few minutes of quiet while the kids played in my husband’s new office. Sitting in the pew of the quiet sanctuary, I took in my surroundings, reflecting on the weight and wonder of this new calling as “pastor’s wife.” Fast forward nearly twenty-five years, when I found myself in a time of similar contemplation. Sitting in the pew of our church, the surroundings had changed—we were at a different church, and I was in a new life stage—but the emotions of carrying the title of “pastor’s wife” were as familiar and raw as they were so many years ago. Whether you’re serving in a church you’ve known your whole life or one that’s completely new; whether ministry is part of your family’s legacy or something you’re the first to step into; or whether your congregation is overflowing with people or faithfully pressing on in small numbers—the role of pastor’s wife carries a common thread. In all these varied settings and differing seasons, every pastor’s wife can be encouraged by the same thing: Jesus’ kindness in the calling. The Hidden Burden and the Beautiful Calling In my own life, the burdens haven’t changed much through the years. Early in our ministry, I accompanied my husband to the home of grieving parents who had lost their child. As the mother practically collapsed in my arms, I had the thought, “Why am I here?” It felt almost intrusive to step into such tender grief when I barely knew the family. And yet, she wept in my arms. Why am I here? Why am I sitting in a room for a memorial service in memory of a mother I did not know. Why am I invited to a wedding of a couple I only met once? Why am I here, bearing the weight from a difficult session meeting?...

Her View from the Pew: Reflections from a Pastor’s Wife2025-09-21T15:18:16+00:00

Cherish: Encouragement and Equipping for Ministry

HANNAH STARNES|GUEST Not quite two years into full time ministry, I attended my first WE (Wives of Elders) event at Women’s Leadership Training in Atlanta. WE was just getting off the ground and as a young pastor’s wife, I was thrilled there was a ministry specifically for the wives of elders. Though my husband had not been a TE (Teaching Elder) for long, we were already weary, and I found myself continuing to take on more than I should because I believed that was expected of me. A joke had been made more than once that when my husband was hired, they had gotten “two for the price of one” because I had a hard time saying no. Without a mentor to guide me, I burned out quickly. But at the WE meeting, I felt relief for the first time. I was pregnant and therefore already emotional, but as I left the room I cried as I recapped the experience to my mom, telling her that I had met and connected with women who understood what I was going through. I was no longer alone! It was a special time of sharing one another’s burdens as well as rejoicing with one another through the cheerful parts of ministry. I saw 1 Corinthians 12:26 working out before my eyes, “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” I came away feeling refreshed. In early 2024, I joined the WE team to be a liaison for the new WE cohorts. I wanted others to feel the way I did after that first WE meeting—connected, cared for, understood. It is a privilege to be a part of a group that seeks to connect elders’ wives to one another to fight against the feelings of isolation, bitterness, and misunderstanding. These cohorts have changed and altered over time but still maintain the purpose of connecting both teaching and ruling elders’ wives together for the purpose of encouragement and glorifying God together...

Cherish: Encouragement and Equipping for Ministry2025-03-12T14:52:54+00:00

View from the Second Row: Perspective of a Pastor’s Wife

BETHANY BELUE | CONTRIBUTOR When my husband and I started dating, he was not yet a pastor but was on staff with a college ministry praying through his vocational calling. A few months into dating, I began to question if I should marry a guy who was in the middle of a “vocational crisis.” Thankfully, some very close friends quickly talked me down off the ledge of my emotions and reminded me it was his character I was following, not his job. The more we got to know one another, I knew I could follow him anywhere. I didn’t know then that would mean, eight months into marriage, packing up our first apartment, leaving family, and moving to a city where I knew no one so he could go to seminary. Eight years later, I sit on the second row of our current church where he serves as the Assistant Pastor. We are still early in our ministry life, but over the years the Lord has begun to unfold this world of being a pastor's wife and teach me what it means to follow my husband as he serves in the local church. The Role of a Pastor’s Wife I love watching my husband be a pastor. The Lord has called him to it, and he loves and leads our church with care and wisdom. That is his job and his passion, but it is not mine. I am called to live the life the Lord has called me to. I am a wife to my husband, a mother to my children, and have my own ministry role within the PCA. I am a member of my church and serve as I am able, but there are times I need to say “no” to a ministry event to fulfill one of my other roles. I have often heard the joke that a pastor’s wife is unpaid staff of the church, but in reality, that is not the calling of many pastor’s wives, and that is okay. One of my favorite passages is 1 Corinthians 7:17, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” I am thankful to be a helper to my husband as he serves on staff with the local church as I also live out the calling the Lord has placed on my life.   The Boundaries of a Pastor’s Wife...

View from the Second Row: Perspective of a Pastor’s Wife2025-03-12T14:44:52+00:00

Cherish: A Safe Place for Growth

KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR A few years ago, my husband, a pastor, and I experienced a significant crisis in our ministry life. We were crushed. I went from being a pastor’s wife who loved the church and could imagine no better life, to being a pastor’s wife who thought it would be great if her husband found a different line of work. I went from viewing gathered worship as a place of ministry, hospitality, and joy to a place that my head knew was necessary and good, but that my heart struggled to be present for. I couldn’t imagine ever being able to truly love and trust a local church again. I’m thankful that during that season, I had access to counseling for pastor’s wives through Cherish. Connecting with Cherish I have a vivid memory from the summer of 2019. My husband had gone ahead of me to his new pastoral call while I stayed behind to finish the packing, house-selling, and other necessities. As I sat amongst boxes, I took a break and scrolled on my phone and saw a post on social media about a new program from the PCA: Cherish. It offered free and discounted professional counseling for PCA pastor’s wives. I’d seen this promoted online before, but it didn’t seem like the right time for me to pursue counseling. We were in the middle of a big move that was stressful; adding something else to my life seemed like a bad idea. Yet, in that moment, nudged by the Holy Spirit, I thought I should check it out...

Cherish: A Safe Place for Growth2025-02-24T16:05:10+00:00
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