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Love is Patient

KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR Today I had an early breakfast meeting and left while my husband, Robert, was still in bed. When I got home, our bed was made. Later he noticed that the floor was dirty, so he mopped it. This afternoon, when I burned something in the oven, he came to my rescue, not only soaking the very messy pan but scrubbing it clean an hour later. My husband is not the man I married nearly 35 years ago. A Lesson in Early Marriage We were newlyweds—married just a few months—when I came home from my stressful job to find our apartment in chaos. Robert worked as our church's youth director, which meant he worked many nights and weekends and was often home during the day. That afternoon, I arrived to find dishes piled up, an unmade bed, and beard trimmings filling the bathroom sink. It wasn't the first time, and something in me snapped. I lost it. I went on a rant about my husband's slovenliness and his lack of regard for me. Obviously, I posited, if he really loved me then he'd understand that I value a tidy space, and he'd want to please me by cleaning up before I came home exhausted. I jumped to all sorts of conclusions and made wild accusations about his character and attitude toward me. Robert listened to my tirade with remarkable composure. When I finally paused for breath, he looked me straight in the eye and very calmly asked, "Did I mislead you? Are you surprised that the guy with the messy, disorganized apartment that you fell in love with continues to be messy and disorganized after getting married?" His question stopped me in my tracks...

Love is Patient2025-02-06T20:07:51+00:00

The Advent Wreath: Finding Comfort in the Light of Jesus

OCIEANNA FLEISS|GUEST Christmas music played softly as I leaned on the counter at the Christian bookstore where I worked alongside my new husband. “Advent?” I said. “Isn’t that when churches light candles around Christmas time?” We were in our twenties, still establishing our own family culture, and had been dabbling in some of the Christian traditions we hadn’t explored before. “Yeah, but I heard you can also celebrate it at home,” he answered. “How?” “I’m not sure, but I think we should start with an Advent wreath.” I agreed, and after some shopping, we settled on a gorgeous wooden wreath decorated with a Celtic knot that would sit nicely on our coffee table. It had four candles—three purple and one pink—to represent the four weeks of the Advent season. Later we added a white one, the Christ candle, to light on Christmas Eve. With joy I set it up in our California apartment, and each Sunday in December, as the sunshine filtered through our windows, we lit the candles and read the accompanying Scriptures for each week. The weekly Advent themes of hope, preparation, joy, and love nurtured a rhythm of worship our hearts needed—and have continued to need. We didn’t know then how, over the years, these themes would play out in our lives...

The Advent Wreath: Finding Comfort in the Light of Jesus2023-11-15T21:57:49+00:00

Loving the Unlovely

KIMBERLI SPOLAR|GUEST I was seven-years-old when my parents dismissed my dream to compete in the Little Miss New Jersey pageant. Thirty-seven years later, I brought the idea of competing for Mrs. North Carolina to my husband who was not sure it was a good idea. Five years of research, prayer, and two meetings with my pastor, and my husband finally agreed as he considered my pastor’s probing question, “What would it look like to join your wife in this adventure?” And after months of hard work, I was crowned Mrs. North Carolina USC 2022 at the age of 49. When I started my journey, all I really knew about pageantry was that I had an excuse to wear sequin gowns and that I needed to do my best in the competition. But what I learned was that God had a unique process of heart transformation planned for me. Pageant titleholders have the unique opportunity to  publicly bring awareness to causes in which they are passionate about. I decided to partner with organizations working in Charlotte communities full of forgotten, undesirable, or otherwise marginalized people—many of them who were homeless. Scripture teaches that God is a helper to the needy. Psalm 72: 12,  says, “For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper.” And Psalm 70:5 says, “But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay!” As I daily came face-to-face  with the homeless, talking with them, learning their names and then seeking them out by name, praying for them and caring for daily needs like food and clothing, God changed my heart and showed me what the compassion He has looks like as I sought to care for  needy people living in the margins of Charlotte—the largest city in North Carolina and an affluent one. God changed my heart to see the homeless with a vertical lens applied to the horizontal...

Loving the Unlovely2023-08-15T13:40:11+00:00

When Your Spouse is Not a Believer: A Vertical Perspective

SUSAN MCCELDRY|GUEST As we sat down for dinner, my husband laid his hand on the countertop, palm up. Knowing our prayer routine, I placed my hand in his and waited for him to pray. Before he uttered a word, tears threatened to come forth, as a thought flashed through my mind: This would not have been possible eight years ago. A Dramatic Salvation Rarely will an unbelieving couple come to faith at the same time, and this was true in my marriage. I came to faith first in 2014 because of God’s dramatic saving of my eternal life. Because of my sin, lack of biblical knowledge, and virtually no relationship with Jesus, I spent at least ten years dabbling in the occult. Not only did I read books written by psychic mediums, I also saw them at in-person events. I then spent an additional two years harnessing and actively developing my psychic ability. I did all these things while professing to be a Christian. My time in the occult ended with a vision of a dark hooded cloak image superimposed over my reflection in the mirror. In that moment I lost all sense of rationality and was tormented by a voice in my head that repeatedly told me that I was going to Hell. I was involuntarily committed to the mental unit of our hospital and spent five days there. I came home a new person, one that never wanted anything to do with the occult spiritual world ever again. Where did that leave my marriage? I became a Christian that was married to an unbelieving husband. God became my authority while my husband’s authority was himself. The struggle of two people living under two different authorities surfaced rather quickly. How can a marriage like that thrive and grow? You may be in a similar situation in your own marriage. Perhaps you trust in Christ for your salvation, but your husband does not, and this creates not only heartache for you, but even discord in your marriage. What does it look like to live out your faith when unequally yoked?...

When Your Spouse is Not a Believer: A Vertical Perspective2023-03-24T17:45:56+00:00

John 13: A New Commandment to Love One Another

TARA GIBBS|GUEST “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn.13:34-35). Good news: If you have read your Bible much before today, you can skip today’s devotional. You probably already know the foundational role of love in our Christian lives. Perhaps you have it on a t-shirt or a mug. It’s woven throughout the story of Scripture. It’s found in Leviticus, “…you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD,” (Lev. 19:18). It’s found in the teaching of Jesus when he asserts that all the law and the prophets hang on loving God and loving our neighbor (Mt. 22:40). It’s in 1 John 4:8, “He who does not love, does not know God.” As a matter of fact, this is such a basic truth, Jesus says the whole world will be able to identify us by the extraordinary love we show to one another. “By this all people will know that you are my disciples…” Anyone in the world who has access to Christ’s people can testify to “love” being the first adjective that comes to mind when describing them, right? “Wait just a second,” you say. You and I both know this is not always the case.

John 13: A New Commandment to Love One Another2023-03-24T18:10:07+00:00

John 13: As I Have Done to You

KATHERINE ASHBAUGH | GUEST The Feast of the Passover has arrived, and Jesus knows his hour has finally come. Having loved his own in the world, he will love them to the end. We enter the scene of John 13, where Jesus and his disciples are enjoying a last meal together. Celebration abounds, friendship and feasting too. Judas Iscariot, the betrayer, is present, as are the rest of Jesus’ faithful disciples— the men he has allowed to walk and watch his ways. Men, who have been fed by the Bread of Life, with fish and loaves and with words powerful to save, strengthen, and encourage. Men, who have witnessed and performed miracles in his name, bodies healed, and sins forgiven. Men, who have confessed, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God” (John 6:68-9). And Jesus is present at the meal. The Lamb of God. As the action begins, we learn that Jesus knows his Father had given him all things, and so with purpose he rises and moves towards each disciple, tenderly washing their feet. One after another, first the washing and then the drying, with a towel wrapped around his waist. The process is physical, messy and wet, refreshing and warm, and utterly confusing, as Peter makes clear when his turn arrives. “Lord, do you wash my feet?” (John 13:6). “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me,” Jesus replies (John 13:8), so in characteristic form, Peter enthusiastically requests a full washing, his hands and head as well.

John 13: As I Have Done to You2023-03-24T18:10:39+00:00

The Resurrection: A Return on Investment

CHRISTINE GORDON|GUEST If you happen to be an investor, 2020 was a scary year. March sent millions into a panic as the stock market took a huge dive in reaction to the first wave of COVID-19 on US soil. Unlike risky monetary investments, Jesus directs us in the gospel of Luke to an investment that has no risk and a guaranteed payoff at the resurrection.  We’re not told the particularities of what our reward might be. But imagine how the maker of the sunset, sea animals, and sesame seeds might reward you. I would guess it will be more satisfying and delightful than any list we might make or parameters we could define. God wants to offer us rewards for making certain choices and putting our energy toward specific people while living here on earth. What actions bring such pleasure to the heart of Jesus that he would promise a reward for doing them? Honor Those Who Cannot Repay Jesus’s words to a Pharisee who invited him for a meal are helpful to us: Then Jesus said to the man who had invited Him, “When you host a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or brothers or relatives or rich neighbors. Otherwise, they may invite you in return, and you will be repaid. But when you host a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind, and you will be blessed. Since they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” (Luke 14:12b-14) Jesus told the man who invited him what really makes God happy: giving honor to those who can’t possibly repay it. Give it away, in big spoonfuls— in buckets, even. Give to those who have absolutely no way of returning in kind. Because that’s what God has done for you. Dignify them not only with a meal, but with your presence. Table fellowship was all about status in Jesus’s day. Sharing a meal signified acceptance, and even equal social capital. Jesus is directing this likely rich and powerful Pharisee to open his home to those who would never usually make it onto the guest list, because they weren’t in his same social circle. He is not shaming them for inviting friends; he is simply encouraging them to also invite the outcasts, the poor, and anyone who has no status.  But why?  Because those are the kinds of people God loves to love lavishly— the needy. He knows they cannot pay...

The Resurrection: A Return on Investment2022-05-04T23:14:12+00:00

We Are His: The Great Love of Christ

SHARON ROCKWELL|GUEST The phrase “be my Valentine” conjures up so many different images associated with the celebration of Valentine’s Day: cards with hearts and sugary poems on them, candy and flowers from someone you love, and images of cupids flying around shooting their arrows of affection for their sweethearts. February 14th is represented as the holiday of love, at least by the card and candy companies! A Legend of Love According to tradition, Valentine was a priest in Rome in the third century. At that time Rome was having difficulty getting soldiers to join the military because their spouses objected to them leaving their families. Marriages were therefore outlawed. Valentine defied the government by conducting weddings, but when discovered, was put in jail. One legend has it that Valentine ministered during his jail time. He witnessed to the guards, one of whom had an adopted daughter who was blind. As the story goes, Valentine prayed for the girl and she subsequently regained her sight. The emperor ordered Valentine beheaded, but in his last days, Valentine left a note for the young girl which he signed “from your Valentine.” Valentine was made a saint by the Roman church after his death. By the 18th century, it became popular for those in love to exchange tokens of affection “from their Valentine.” You would think the hearts and flowers of the holiday would turn our heads toward thoughts of love and marriage, but it often has the opposite effect. Those who do not receive some tangible, even expensive, gift may feel disappointed. Those who are single may feel left out. The beauty of love is reduced to a need to receive physical evidence that someone truly cares for us. A Love that Calls Us His Own Christians need to keep a close eye on our feelings during this holiday. Without proper perspective, this holiday can become idolatrous. We are the church, the bride of Christ. Married or single, in love or hopeful, Christ calls believers His bride. We are His...

We Are His: The Great Love of Christ2022-05-04T23:09:46+00:00

Offering the Lastfruits

LEAH FARISH|GUEST Some New Year’s Eves, I have felt a frisson of nervousness as I readied for a party or fellowship event—did I forget to pay a bill that needed postmarking this year? Take all my tax deductions? Meet an annual work deadline? Prepare the kids and babysitter, whom I wouldn’t see till “next year”? This Eve will be a quieter one. But are there any missed opportunities or duties? Oh, yes, this year there was the vacation cancelled, rescheduled, cancelled again, the celebration delayed or job lost, the relationships starved of physical touch. Many things were not accomplished, but I improvised, regrouped, made do. Is there anything more I can do before 2020 is, thankfully, behind me? I often think of Richard Wilbur’s poem called “Year’s End,” where he broods on unfinished business, examining how an ancient disaster in Pompeii “found the people incomplete, the loose unready eyes/ Of men expecting yet another sun/ To do the shapely thing they had not done./ These sudden ends of time must give us pause./ We fray into the future, rarely wrought/ Save in the tapestries of afterthought./ More time, more time….” The prophet Abraham was given an opportunity late in his time on earth: he was challenged to sacrifice his son Isaac. Abraham didn’t just love his son, and didn’t just see him as a miraculously-provided boy, but probably also saw him as a last chance—at engendering and raising a son for establishing the covenanted legacy that Jehovah had promised. Last chances are always so poignant. So Abraham’s was a special offering—of lastfruits, as my husband calls it. We are familiar with offering firstfruits, described in verses such as Exodus 23:19, Leviticus 23:9, and Deut. 26:1 (not a bad devotional for January 1st). In Exodus 22:29, God even says “The firstborn of your sons you shall give to Me.” Abraham had had Ishmael, but that son, conceived with a concubine, was not the sacrifice God requested. He wanted the lastfruits—“the shapely thing that Abraham had not done,” as Richard Wilbur might say. What should be the lastfruits of this year?...

Offering the Lastfruits2022-05-04T23:44:30+00:00

Love One Another Through Hospitality

It may surprise those who know me to learn that showing hospitality by welcoming others into my home has not always been a joy. When I was a young bride, my heart did not always join in with the ‘welcoming’ aspect of hospitality as I raced through preparations in a panic. Fellowship may have been at the top of my motives for having company for dinner, but running close behind that goal were insecurity, perfectionism, and the desire to impress. I gave so much effort to planning, cooking, and presenting the perfect menu—with babies and toddlers in tow—that by the time our company arrived I was too wrung-out to enjoy our guests. There are whole evenings and conversations that I cannot remember, other than the stress leading up to them. So why have company at all? Why jump through the hoops if I’m only going to end with a messy kitchen, a mild headache, and no appreciable memory of the evening? Because the Bible tells me to. A Fellowship of Love Well, not exactly. What the Bible tells me has nothing to do with anxiety and the charade driven by insecurity, perfectionism, and the desire to impress others. What the Bible tells me is to welcome others joyfully. Why? Because I have been welcomed into the blessed fellowship of God himself through his Son Jesus Christ...

Love One Another Through Hospitality2022-05-07T22:30:31+00:00
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