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Joy in the Mourning

KENDRA KAMMER|GUEST My mother was a treasure. She was fun-loving and unapologetically loud. She was God’s gift to me. Her delight in others, her embracing of her calling, and her faithful submission to God’s will taught me the character of God. God, in His goodness, places people in our lives who unlock His character for us. This is one of the unexpected graces of being human when our lives and legacy are temporary, fleeting, like “a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14). But some individuals, even for the little time they spend on Earth, are a reflecting mirror of aspects of God’s goodness to the rest of us. My mom was one of them. But I have to say “was” when I talk about my mom, because that’s how we talk about people who aren’t with us anymore. Three and a half years ago, my mom lost her battle with cancer, and now Mother’s Day is an exercise of joy in the mourning. “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5 When my mom passed away I felt breathless with grief, but I also felt the joy of one grieving with hope. The pain of loss was real, but the hope of seeing her again— free from pain and regret—that hope bolstered me, even as the tears kept coming. During that season, God walked with me through the bittersweet duality of weeping and joy, loss and love, brokenness and comfort. My mom lived her life as an exercise in joy, so as the Holy Spirit works in me to remember her life on Mother’s Day, I shouldn’t be surprised to find that he is preparing the soil of my heart to grow the fruit of joy in the Lord, even in mourning.  Joy in God’s Delight My mom enjoyed things enthusiastically. She never kept her delight to herself; it was always shared. What a gift when the delight she expressed was a delight in me! I wasn’t always worthy of it— I was a typical teenager with sullen moods and bad attitudes—but my mom delighted in me because it was in her nature to find joy.  Our God is like that. Isaiah 62:4 says, “You shall be called My Delight Is in Her… for the Lord delights in you.” Even when we’re distant or difficult, God draws near. In Christ, we are His beloved children. He looks past our rebellious inclinations and delights in us, even on our worst day! Joy in God’s Calling My mom lived her life on mission as an ambassador for Christ, but she wasn’t concerned about her name or her fame. She saw the beauty of the Gospel and felt compassion for the world that didn’t know that peace. She took the opportunities she was given to shine God’s light into people’s hard places. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” In an act of God’s great kindness, He lets us experience the joy of serving in His kingdom, based on the unique knots and threads of the personality He’s knitted into us (Psalm 119:13). I am thankful for the privilege of living out His calling among this world that needs to know Him....

Joy in the Mourning2025-04-21T20:00:52+00:00

The Article You Don’t Want to Read

LAURA PATTERSON | GUEST For the third time in five months, I found myself at the bedside of a dying family member. Yet again, I watched the regimented push of morphine and changing respiratory patterns that led to the death rattle. Apneas increased and lengthened, extra morphine was pushed, and that final breath—ready or not, it came. She went to her Father’s house on Father’s Day. My precious Granny was 86. Spoon-feeding her those final bites on earth felt so inadequate when I thought of all the ways she had fed me in my lifetime. Holding her cold, clammy hand on her deathbed could never match all the ways her hands had tenderly held me and my children. I felt helpless to provide the comfort and peace I longed to give her. She had lived a long life, but death still felt like an armed intruder. Death will always be an enemy in this life. But, to the one who will listen, death is perhaps the best teacher there is. The author of Ecclesiastes tells us this when he says, ”the day of death is better than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind and the living will lay it to heart” (7:1-2).  What can we learn from death and how can we pursue its instruction?...

The Article You Don’t Want to Read2025-04-12T18:16:45+00:00

All We Can Do Is Pray: Prayer for California and the Wildfires

SHARON ROCKWELL | CONTRIBUTOR This year, more than one illness spread through our extended family, hampering most of our plans for Christmas and New Year’s celebrations. It seemed like we missed so much of the fun we normally associate with Christmas time that I left our tree up a little longer than usual in an effort to hang on to the season. To extend some of the festivities, I even went with a friend to see the Rose Parade floats that were lined up for viewing on Jan 2nd. I usually just watch the parade on TV, but this year I felt the need to make the drive to Pasadena and smell the roses for myself. Who could imagine that less than a week later, I would be watching some of that same area go up in smoke as wildfires spread across southern California. Our local news is full of stories about individuals who lost their homes and businesses. Many left their homes with nothing but the clothes they were wearing. Yet as I have listened to the live interviews of people who escaped and who are waiting to hear if their house is still standing, or of those who have lost it all, one theme surfaced. They shared the perspective that they had lost only things. They had their lives, their loved ones and their faith. The subject of prayer came up often as newscasters casually ended their reports with the phrase “our thoughts and prayers are with you.” One commentator reporting the devastation as the TV cameras panned block after block of scorched homes even stated in a resigned tone, “All we can do is pray.” All we can do is pray? All we can do is pray!...

All We Can Do Is Pray: Prayer for California and the Wildfires2025-01-18T15:03:18+00:00

Grief in this Holiday Season: Gospel Comfort for Every Loss

ELIZABETH TURNAGE | CONTRIBUTOR Grief is as old as the Fall. Ever since Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, eating of the one tree denied them, loss has plagued the cosmos. This loss leads to grief. As the holidays arrive this year, grief will be fresh for many, raw for some. In the Middle East, Ukraine, Turkey, the Southeastern United States, and many other places throughout the world, disaster has struck, and the holiday season threatens to swallow its victims in a sea of grief. This year, your neighbor or friend, your co-worker or cousin, or perhaps you yourself, weep deeply and often as you mourn the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, a home, or a pet. How can we help? How can we grieve with hope if we are the ones who have suffered loss? By understanding grief and by looking to Christ, our grief may lead to the hope of restoration this holiday season. We can grieve all sorts of losses. As Christians we sometimes feel guilty for grieving something like a lost home or pet, a lost job, or even a lost relationship. Somehow, we got the idea that grief should be reserved for death. Somehow, we got the idea that when we grieve a loved one who died, we should be “happy” because the person is in heaven. That’s simply not the way grief works, not in life, and not in Scripture. As we look at Scripture, we see reasons to grieve all sorts of losses. Surely, we may grieve death, because our Lord himself grieved the death of his dear friend Lazarus, despite knowing he would soon raise him from the dead (see John 11:1-44). Because God created the heavens and the earth and everything in it, and because he gave humans the responsibility of working the land and making it fruitful, it is natural to grieve the loss of land and work. Job, who lost everything — family, livestock, and land — to enemies and natural disasters (see Job 1:13-19), grieved deeply but was not rebuked for his grief. The Israelites wept for their homeland when they were in exile: “By the waters of Babylon, there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion” (Psalm 137:1). Because the Lord cares for all creatures great and small, it is also appropriate to grieve the loss of a pet who brought us a taste of the Lord’s delight. All of creation has the potential to show us the goodness of the Lord; for this reason, we may grieve the loss of any good gift from God. Grief really is worse during the holiday season...

Grief in this Holiday Season: Gospel Comfort for Every Loss2024-11-11T20:18:57+00:00

A Backwards Birth Into Heaven

SUSAN TYNER | CONTRIBUTOR I watched my Daddy be born into Heaven today. We were all around him as he lay dying in his bed at home. I squeezed his hand on one side while Mama grasped the other, my sister balancing on the mattress at his head while my brother held his feet. With our spouses and his many grandchildren crowded around, we sat with him one more time in his bedroom. We were no strangers to this room—there for about fifty years we had yelled at Ole Miss football games on the TV, nursed coffee during early morning talks, climbed into the warm covers while he read his Bible in a close by chair, even played tic-tac-toe in lotion on his back. Decades of normal breathing and living. And so, it was a blessing that when he needed to die, we could be in that familiar-made-sacred space together. I never saw someone die before, and it’s amazing how the human body will struggle to stay alive. We held our breaths as we counted his. He would pause breathing and we would look at each other, is this it? only to see him gasp air again. This happened so many times that once we laughed because it got comical for such a heavy moment—or maybe we just needed to release a tension we were not used to holding for so long. The hospice staff told us he could hear us even though he couldn’t respond, and Daddy proved them right when he squeezed Mama’s hand, responding that he loved her. His clavicle strained just like my little boy’s did when he had croup. We felt his pulse slow, lagging only a little behind his breath. At some point we attempted to comfort him by reciting Psalm 23 as a group. I think we added thirty minutes to his life because we flubbed it so bad my mom had to take over like the school teacher she is. Again, we laughed. How terrible for Daddy to hear us collectively fail a basic test when he had invested his adult life teaching us the Bible. Here we had been telling him to go and not worry about us and he’s lying there thinking, WHAT? My kids can’t even remember The Lord is My Shepherd?? What kind of shape am I leaving them in? Then, although we knew he was leaving, it was weird when in one moment after midnight, he did not catch his breath. Suddenly, he was gone. And, we did not feel like laughing anymore but going to our corners of the house to be quiet and do whatever one does after watching your role model leave your world. What seemed like only moments later, the funeral home is on site, desecrating our sacred bedroom. As I fill out paperwork, the hospice nurse tells me that Daddy, who practiced medicine for the hospice company, actually had worked earlier that week for them. I shouldn’t have been surprised. He pushed and tackled cancer’s pain the way he played linebacker at Bentonia High School. Whether it was football, medicine, church, or a good Mississippi snow day, Will Thompson left it all on the field. Why would his death week be any different? I see them put Daddy’s body in a plastic bag. As a doctor, he saw death a lot and this scene would not shock him. I did not know at the time it was shocking me. I assumed my head knowledge that he was in a better place would inoculate me from shock—that the theology I had been taught would cushion the impact grief causes....

A Backwards Birth Into Heaven2024-05-31T15:52:57+00:00

Joy and Sorrow in Motherhood

BETHANY BELUE | CONTRIBUTOR It was a Tuesday morning, two weeks before Mother’s Day. I parked my car outside my doctor’s office and prayed a quick prayer: “God, please help this baby to be healthy.” I walked in expectant, excited, and a little nervous. It was only a few minutes later as I lay on the table with the screen in front of me that I saw my baby for the first time. This very small baby with a heart that wasn’t beating. The silence in the room was deafening. My heart immediately started racing and I looked at the ultrasound tech as the expression on her face told me what I already knew. “I’m so sorry,” she said. My body froze, fear washed over me, and I knew then I was facing yet another story of motherhood that I didn’t want to face. I went home later that day to my two small children who had no idea what Mommy had faced that day. The innocent joy on their faces and excitement to see me brought a lift to my heavy heart. I was immediately brought back into the reality of my world and the incredible gift these long-awaited healthy children were to me. For the days and weeks following that Tuesday morning, joy and sorrow were held hand in hand as I held my children a little closer while at the same time, aching for the child in my womb.   Joy and Sorrow in Scripture  All throughout the Bible, there are stories of the sufferings, longings, hopes, and joys of God’s people through different circumstances of motherhood. The places where they also held joy and sorrow hand in hand. There are the stories of Sarah who became a mother past child-bearing age and was overcome with laughter by the story that was written for her (Gen. 21:1-7); of Naomi, who lost both her sons and her husband, and then in the midst of her grief made the hard decision to love her daughter-in-law from a different people group. She walked in faith as she loved Ruth as her own and watched the Lord’s tangible faithfulness in building her family in a way far different than she could ever have dreamed (Ruth 1, 4)....

Joy and Sorrow in Motherhood2024-05-10T19:52:15+00:00

We Always Have A Father to Celebrate on Father’s Day

SHEA PATRICK|CONTRIBUTOR As I work on this blog post, Mother’s Day just past. I saw many things on social media celebrating mothers, but also saw the mixed feelings the holiday brings about. I imagine many people have a similar feeling about Father’s Day. A group of my friends and I no longer have fathers here on earth and we often discuss how difficult the day is for us. What do we do with these mixed feelings? Get angry at those who are celebrating? Blast our frustration with God’s plan for us on social media? In contrast, the death of my father is one of those milestone moments in my walk with God— an Ebeneezer reminder of how God cared for me when my dad died. A Hard Grief I still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the phone call came. My dad was dead at sixty.  He had just retired eight months before and moved into his dream house with my mom. I just could not believe that it was true. I was in shock. I think the entire first year I lived in disbelief. All the firsts came and went – Father’s Day and his birthday. I also had a one-year-old who turned two six months later—another first where I felt the absence of my dad profoundly. The second year was the hardest for me by far. I think it took the first year for me to really understand the reality of my loss, for my dad’s death to sink in. I often woke in the middle of the night from terrible dreams, only to realize the loss of my dad wasn’t a nightmare; it was all too real. I spent those nights crying out to the Lord in desperate prayer. Every time I was at my parents’ house, I expected him to come around the corner. It was painfully hard to adjust to life without him here. But it was during this period that I really began to understand God as my Father as he showed his fatherly care for me...

We Always Have A Father to Celebrate on Father’s Day2023-08-15T13:22:39+00:00

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a Caregiver

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR As Marissa Bondurant mentioned in our last article in this series, caregiving, while a burden, is also a calling. Today I want to explore one of the common challenges of this calling: anticipatory grief. Anticipatory Grief Three years ago, Lara’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. As his primary caregiver, Lara is struggling. She finds herself crying frequently, losing her temper daily, and feeling anxious constantly. Like many caregivers of people with progressive or terminal disease, Lara is experiencing anticipatory grief. According to bereavement counselor Marty Tousley, “Grief occurs in anticipation of and following a loss. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis, or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce anticipatory grief.”[i] Symptoms of anticipatory grief may include anger, anxiety, depression, denial, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. The caregiver may also experience a sense of hope as she imagines the coming relief from her caregiving burden. Following that sense of hope, she may feel guilt. While many psychologists call this grief “anticipatory,” others note that “anticipatory” may not be the most accurate term, because the caregiver is experiencing grief over current loss—the loss of the ability to enjoy life with her loved one as she did in the past, the losses her loved one now experiences due to limitations, and the loss of the caregiver’s “normal” life. The first thing caregivers need to know is that both anticipatory grief about the future and present grief about the loss of past joys is to be expected. In addition, the caregiver can take comfort from and learn from Jesus as she navigates anticipatory grief...

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a Caregiver2023-08-15T13:46:46+00:00

A Time to Mourn

JESSICA ROAN | GUEST She really was extraordinary—funny, loving, and firm when she needed to be. If a perfect teacher exists, she would be at the top of the list, in our house anyway. Thankfully for us, our younger son was in her class, not once, but twice. When we found out he would have his kindergarten teacher again for 5th grade, we were elated. The unpredictability of 2020 was especially difficult for him. While we couldn’t be sure which activities, even school itself, would go on, we could be sure about one thing: Mrs. W. And she delivered—suddenly breaking into song, encouraging dance-offs, dressing up in wild costumes. If there was anything an 11-year-old would love, she did it. Now that life has resumed some normalcy, we have tried to embrace change. My boys started new schools this year. While they were excited to move on to new adventures, the subtle dread of leaving this enjoyable relationship behind haunted us all. My son periodically says, “I miss Mrs. W.” After six great years under her tutelage, we all miss her. We mourn this transition in our lives. Mourning comes in all shapes and sizes. Not only has our family mourned transitions, we’ve mourned broken relationships, and the passing of dear family members. Life is filled with losses and each one brings us great grief.

A Time to Mourn2023-03-24T18:10:27+00:00

Grieving the Loss of a Baby? You Are Not Alone

LAURA BOOZ|GUEST The banquet room sparkled with excitement as waiters removed our dinner plates and topped off steaming cups of coffee. I reached toward the center of the table and selected a dish of chocolate mousse. I was attending a bloggers’ conference with hundreds of women from all over the country who loved the Lord and wanted to reach others through blogging. We networked with one another and attended sessions about how to write compelling content, attract readers, and manage the technical side of writing online. The room relaxed as we rearranged our chairs to enjoy a warm drink and listen to the evening keynote address. We applauded as Angie Smith made her way up to the stage. I couldn’t believe that she was speaking at this conference. I had just read I Will Carry You, a book Angie Smith wrote about carrying her baby, Audrey, to term, despite the doctor’s prognosis that her daughter wouldn’t live long after birth. Audrey did, in fact, die shortly after birth. The book is heartbreaking and helpful. Here was Angie, at the blogging conference that would keep me occupied as my baby’s due date came and went. I originally thought I would have to miss the conference because I would be in my hometown delivering a full-term baby, healthy and happy. But I had delivered my baby four months ago. She was stillborn. Earlier in the evening, I had introduced myself to Angie and told her how much her book meant to me. She listened intently, as if I were the only grieving mother in the world. She hugged me and looked in my eyes and asked, “What is your baby’s name?”...

Grieving the Loss of a Baby? You Are Not Alone2023-03-24T18:15:20+00:00
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