Tag Archives: identity in Christ

Freedom from the Crush of Comparison

by Christina Fox, in category Identity

ELIZABETH GARN|GUEST

I stood in the corner, watching the women around me laugh like old friends, and hoping that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. Not all women’s ministry gatherings were this hard, but I was a new seminary student and these women were student wives. Soon-to-be pastor’s wives. They seemed godly, poised, and were preparing for important ministry roles. I was awkward, nervous, and still figuring things out. The women that day were welcoming, but no matter how friendly they were, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t belong.

It was an awful feeling, but it wasn’t a matter of kindness, it was a matter of comparison.

You see, when I walked into that room, I compared myself to all the other women and determined that I was lacking. I wasn’t outgoing, pretty, or holy enough to be a part of that group. I decided they couldn’t possibly like me, and it hurt.

Comparison does that. It’s messy and painful and leaves a wake of destruction in its path. Unfortunately, it’s also extremely common. 

The Crush of Comparison

When we compare ourselves to the people around us, we’re evaluating and ranking them to decide where we, and they, stand in relation to everyone else. We compare our marriages, parenting, or our careers. Anything we do becomes fair game when we compare ourselves and, in the process, someone always gets hurt. Sometimes we hurt others because comparison causes us to judge them harshly. Other times, however, we get hurt because we decide we’re not enough. Every time, community is destroyed.

There are lots of different reasons we compare ourselves, but for many of us, the cause is rooted in our purpose. When we don’t understand who God created us to be, we fall back on ideas that we have created ourselves. We watch other people around us, take in messages from books and talks, even observe the women in the Bible, and create our own picture of what a godly woman looks like. We start to focus on what we think we’re supposed to do, ways we’re supposed to contribute, rather than focusing on who God is. We invent standards and then hold ourselves and others up to that; we compare, and the result is wounded hearts, broken relationships, and destroyed community…

Are You an Image Builder or an Image Bearer?

by Christina Fox, in category Identity

JUDIE PUCKETT|GUEST

“For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” Romans 8:29

I confess to you that I am an Image Builder.

I want you to notice me…so I build my image.

I want you to accept me…so I build my image.

I want you to love me…so I build my image.

Build. Build. Build.

I think there’s a little part of all of us (and sometimes a big part) that longs to be noticed, appreciated, or even admired. So, we work hard to show only our best side, to reveal what we think looks impressive, and to create an image that appears to be perfect. We sometimes put pressure on ourselves to be perfect. We tell ourselves that we need to work harder, stay up later, get up earlier, read more, learn more, exercise more, post more on social media. The list goes on and on. All the while, the image making continues. It’s a drive that is never satisfied. It continually whispers, “You need to do better; you need to be better.” Image building is exhausting and burdensome.

Build. Build. Build…

Royal In Christ

by Christina Fox, in category Identity
PATSY KUIPERS|GUEST I’m captivated by British history, probably because it’s part of my history. The lineage of all four of my grandparents can be traced back to the isles across the Atlantic, at least in part. And who doesn’t enjoy a fairy tale romance? Thus, like millions of others around the globe, I delightedly followed… Read More

Making a Name for Ourselves

by Christina Fox, in category Identity
RONDI LAUTERBACH|GUEST We live in a culture of self-promotion. Navigating it can be very tricky, both for us and for those nearby who are looking to us for an example. Promoting ourselves is tricky because if we have something to sell or something to say, as Michael Hyatt puts it, we need a platform to… Read More

The Music That Shapes Us

by Christina Fox, in category Shame
SHARON MORGINSKY|GUEST My husband loves music. In fact, before he became a pastor, he was a full-time musician. Our home is filled with music most of the time. We have this little dance we do when people come over. He picks out a playlist and turns up the music, then after a time I come… Read More

The New Dress

by Christina Fox, in category Identity
PATSY KUIPERS|GUEST I remember the moment, even if I can’t recall the exact date—the moment when I realized I wasn’t good enough. A number of childhood experiences— an inconsistent relationship with my dad; often being described as “smart”, but rarely “pretty”; enduring a pudgy pre-adolescence during which classmates called me names — planted seeds of… Read More

What are Your Eyes Fixed on?

by Christina Fox, in category Thought Life
KRISTEN HATTON|CONTRIBUTOR “No one else ate cake!” “What? Yes, they did. Everyone I saw had a piece.” “Well, Catherine said with summer around the corner she couldn’t have any. And Elizabeth said the same thing.” “Ok, so a few people, but whether they did or not shouldn’t affect you. Besides, it was delicious so I… Read More

No Little People, No Little Places

by Christina Fox, in category Identity

STEPHANIE HUBACH|CONTRIBUTOR “Oh! You’re Tim’s Mom!” (Or, with the alternative eyebrow raising intonation: “Oh! You’re Tim’s Mom!”) Cart Man Many people in our town know my youngest son, Tim. Often, Tim is recognizable because he has Down syndrome—and there aren’t that many people in Ephrata, PA who are recipients of that “noticeable extra little something”… Read More