gospel

Caregiving with Compassion and Respect: Learning from Jesus

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR When my dad’s cancer spread to his bones, and he became at risk for falls, my brother and I acted quickly. Out of concern for his safety, we helped him move from the home where he had lived alone for the past twenty years into a comfortable assisted living facility. My dad often half-jokingly referred to the assisted living facility as “Shawshank,” after the prison in the movie “The Shawshank Redemption.” To an introvert who had lived alone since his divorce forty-five years before, being suddenly surrounded by so many people probably did feel like imprisonment. Caring with Compassion and Respect Our story with my dad reveals a common caregiver struggle. As caregivers, we seek the safety of our loved one, and in so doing, we sometimes ignore or minimize their desires. In our commitment to safety, we can also make the mistake of treating adults as if they were children, unable to make wise decisions for themselves. Even when dementia or disease prevents our loved ones from thinking clearly, we still must care for them with compassion and respect. To learn how to navigate this challenging terrain, we must remain centered in Christ’s compassion. Learning from Christ’s Compassion As he cared for people, Christ showed compassion by looking at and for people, by asking good questions and listening to the answers, and by gently pointing people to the hope they had in him...

Caregiving with Compassion and Respect: Learning from JesusChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:35:11+00:00

The Gift of Good Humor

STEPHANIE HUBACH|CONTRIBUTOR When I was a child, there was a Good Humor truck known for circling the neighborhood, selling ice cream, at the most ludicrous time: 5:30pm. Right before dinner. The irony of it all. The Good Humor driver seemed to taunt us with a bad joke—showing up at the very moment that every neighborhood mom was most likely to say! “No way! That will spoil your dinner!” The arrival of the Good Humor truck was not only poorly timed in those moments, but it was also poorly named as well! Good humor in life, when rightly timed, and aptly delivered—is one of God’s good gifts to humanity. Merriam-Webster defines humor this way: “humor implies an ability to perceive the ludicrous, the comical, and the absurd in human life and to express these usually without bitterness.”[1] According to the University of Derby, in the UK, “Previous studies have suggested laughter has several physical, psychological and social benefits, including decreasing stress hormones, boosting the immune system, reducing pain, improving mood and increasing resilience. The psychological and physiological effects of laughter can increase optimism, energy and cognitive function, while decreasing anxiety, stress, loneliness, depression and tension, leading to a great deal of interest in interventions which focus on inducing laughter.”[2] Humor and laughter have been a mainstay of my life, which I attribute to my father’s side of the family tree. Our Opdahl family gatherings always involve witty jokes, painful puns, and gut-busting belly laughs. My son Tim, who has Down syndrome, often epitomizes this same sense of humor. One Sunday, we were in the midst of a sermon series on the Gospel of John. The pastor had preached on the story about when Jesus turned the water into wine. Tim turned to me in the car on the way home, and quipped, “Remember that Jesus said, ‘My hour has not yet come?’ Well, that’s how it is with me and dating right now. My hour has not yet come!” As a good gift, humor can be used to promote healing, help, and hope into the realities of our everyday lives. But as a good gift, in a fallen world, it can also be distorted and used to hide or to hurt. Let’s look at each of these quickly...

The Gift of Good HumorChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:36:18+00:00

Jesus Became Like Us

ALICE KIM|CONTRIBUTOR Have you noticed how you are drawn to certain characters and stories in the Bible? The reason we resonate with one more than another is they often mirror our natural bents and proclivities. The nuances and themes of their story give us words to name our own. We experience comfort and reassurance in our shared struggles and vulnerability to temptations. We are not alone; there is another who understands. In the letter to the Hebrews, the author addresses weary first century believers in danger of discouragement and disbelief. He helps them to see Jesus, the one who is intimate with humanity and their experiences of living in a broken, suffering, and fallen world. Though Jesus is divine, his humanness prepares him to be the great high priest who sympathizes and gives followers courage to persevere in their trials and suffering. Jesus, the Son of God It was essential to God’s redemptive plan that Jesus would have solidarity with those he would rescue and redeem. Therefore, Jesus “had to be” made like us “in every respect” (2:17). He was born in the ordinary way that infants come into the world. He crawled before he walked and cooed before he spoke intelligible sentences. He had his share of cuts and bruises, colds and flus. And he matured in understanding and wisdom: he “learned obedience” (5:8) and was “made perfect” (5:9). In essence, he took on flesh and became like us...

Jesus Became Like UsChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:38:25+00:00

Loving the Unlovely

KIMBERLI SPOLAR|GUEST I was seven-years-old when my parents dismissed my dream to compete in the Little Miss New Jersey pageant. Thirty-seven years later, I brought the idea of competing for Mrs. North Carolina to my husband who was not sure it was a good idea. Five years of research, prayer, and two meetings with my pastor, and my husband finally agreed as he considered my pastor’s probing question, “What would it look like to join your wife in this adventure?” And after months of hard work, I was crowned Mrs. North Carolina USC 2022 at the age of 49. When I started my journey, all I really knew about pageantry was that I had an excuse to wear sequin gowns and that I needed to do my best in the competition. But what I learned was that God had a unique process of heart transformation planned for me. Pageant titleholders have the unique opportunity to publicly bring awareness to causes in which they are passionate about. I decided to partner with organizations working in Charlotte communities full of forgotten, undesirable, or otherwise marginalized people—many of them who were homeless. Scripture teaches that God is a helper to the needy. Psalm 72: 12, says, “For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper.” And Psalm 70:5 says, “But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay!” As I daily came face-to-face with the homeless, talking with them, learning their names and then seeking them out by name, praying for them and caring for daily needs like food and clothing, God changed my heart and showed me what the compassion He has looks like as I sought to care for needy people living in the margins of Charlotte—the largest city in North Carolina and an affluent one. God changed my heart to see the homeless with a vertical lens applied to the horizontal...

Loving the UnlovelyChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:40:11+00:00

The Lament of Jesus

LISA WALLOVER|GUEST Christians are Resurrection People. We truly are. Every Easter morn, pastors around the world declare, “He is risen!” And all God’s people say, “He is risen, indeed!” Truly, every Sunday is that celebration! We serve a risen Savior. The tomb is empty. Life is full. Death, where is your sting? Except. Except that life still stings, sometimes. Maybe more than sometimes. Our hearts can be heavy. We are weary from the lingering weight of sin—around us, and within. To lament is to express to God that sadness that sits in our souls. I wonder if we are sometimes hesitant to lament because it somehow seems “unfaithful” to admit that sorrow can feel bigger than we are. Perhaps it even feels bigger than God. Is it possible that it is in this sorrow where we might meet God most closely? That He is there, waiting, because He deeply understands? That in our grief over sin and its effect, we may actually reflect God’s design and God’s heart? That in the midst of our sorrow we are “conformed to the image of His Son”? Isaiah wrote a description of the coming Messiah that sounds more like defeat than deliverance: He was to be “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is. 53:3). And yet, this is the way of the gospel. The path toward the joy and victory of the empty tomb goes through the grief of Gethsemane and pain of Golgotha. It travels through our own grief and pain as well. Our God understands sadness. The sorrow that Jesus felt, He felt perfectly. Completely. How grateful we can be that the Gospel writers share His lament. Jesus wept at the tomb of His friend, Lazarus...

The Lament of JesusChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:41:29+00:00

Don’t Be A Fig Leaf

KIM BARNES|GUEST In recent years, I’ve come to terms with some parenting failures in raising my children when they were young. When I’ve shared with friends about my realized failures—when I’ve confessed sin, I’ve often gotten a response that goes something like this: “Don’t beat yourself up. Parenting is hard. You did the best you could at the time.” They’re not completely wrong. There is a sense in which I did my best. I love my children. I did not intend to harm them. I thought I was doing right at the time. But I’ve since learned that I misunderstood some of my children’s needs. I took some actions that though well-intentioned, missed the mark. And I failed to take some action that was necessary. I sinned against my children. The reason I share my failures is because I am grateful that God exposes sin and I want to proclaim God’s faithfulness to teach, guide, and forgive. I want to heed the encouragement of James 5:16...

Don’t Be A Fig LeafChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:45:34+00:00

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a Caregiver

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR As Marissa Bondurant mentioned in our last article in this series, caregiving, while a burden, is also a calling. Today I want to explore one of the common challenges of this calling: anticipatory grief. Anticipatory Grief Three years ago, Lara’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. As his primary caregiver, Lara is struggling. She finds herself crying frequently, losing her temper daily, and feeling anxious constantly. Like many caregivers of people with progressive or terminal disease, Lara is experiencing anticipatory grief. According to bereavement counselor Marty Tousley, “Grief occurs in anticipation of and following a loss. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis, or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce anticipatory grief.”[i] Symptoms of anticipatory grief may include anger, anxiety, depression, denial, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. The caregiver may also experience a sense of hope as she imagines the coming relief from her caregiving burden. Following that sense of hope, she may feel guilt. While many psychologists call this grief “anticipatory,” others note that “anticipatory” may not be the most accurate term, because the caregiver is experiencing grief over current loss—the loss of the ability to enjoy life with her loved one as she did in the past, the losses her loved one now experiences due to limitations, and the loss of the caregiver’s “normal” life. The first thing caregivers need to know is that both anticipatory grief about the future and present grief about the loss of past joys is to be expected. In addition, the caregiver can take comfort from and learn from Jesus as she navigates anticipatory grief...

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a CaregiverChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:46:46+00:00

Cultivating Community on Your Leadership Team

SHEA PATRICK|CONTRIBUTOR I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the phone calls I have received during my five years as a Regional Advisor on the PCA’s national women’s ministry team: the women’s ministry team at a particular church is unable to accomplish any of their goals because someone is trying to take over the team, or strife and conflict have caused relationships to completely break down. How can our leadership teams work together while loving and serving the church and each other well? I believe the answer is by working on the relationships between the women on the team. Even more, the relationships on our team can help our women’s ministry to support the mission and vision of the church or it can hinder these same things. We can take steps toward cultivating community on our team by doing two things: 1) remembering God’s design and 2) intentionally pursuing community...

Cultivating Community on Your Leadership TeamChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:47:15+00:00

Burning Bridges and the Story of Elisha

SHARON ROCKWELL|CONTRIBUTOR Early in my career, a wise mentor warned me to never burn my bridges. He had an example of how a colleague who had a run-in with a manager, left the company, only to discover in a few months that the manager had also taken a new job, and was now his boss! Ouch! The colleague had hoped for a new start, but instead found himself bringing old relationship problems with him. Never burn your bridges was standard industry mantra, so that you could always go back to someone for help or favors. This year my Bible study is reading 1 and 2 Kings. The story of Elijah calling Elisha to be a prophet intrigued me. Certainly, Elijah was directed by God to find Elisha plowing in his field. Elisha’s heart was touched by the Holy Spirit, and he was immediately ready to leave and follow Elijah. But before he left, he wished to say good-bye to his parents. He then prepared a feast by burning the yoke of his oxen for fuel to boil the meat. He shared the meat with the people who were plowing alongside him. What commitment! Elisha left his friends and family and destroyed his worldly possessions by burning them, to answer Elijah’s and God’s call. He would become a servant to Elijah. The idea that Elisha “burned his bridges” captured my attention. There was no turning back for Elisha...

Burning Bridges and the Story of ElishaChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:22:30+00:00

New Beginnings: On God’s Mercy and Grace

SHARON ROCKWELL|CONTRIBUTOR The beginning of a new school year was always one of my favorite times. There was something exciting about seeing unopened textbooks and knowing that by the end of the year, I would have a thorough understanding of that new subject, or at least evidence that I gave it my best effort. It was a time of new beginnings, regardless of last year’s results. I feel the same way about New Year’s resolutions. The idea of starting over toward a new goal encourages me to persist in improving some skill, tackle some sin which has been plaguing me with temptation, or sharpen my commitment to daily Bible reading, even if I don’t make it all the way through the year. The idea that I can still have a fresh start again next January is comforting. Thankfully, God meets us on a much more abbreviated timeline. Sometimes I can hardly make it through the day in keeping the promises I committed to in my morning prayers. But God’s mercies are new each morning. It does not matter if it is a repeat sin, a failed attempt to do better in my walk with Christ, or simply that the “the flesh is weak.” The Lord extends mercy to us daily when we fall. He also abundantly pardons us. Isaiah 55:7 says, “Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.”...

New Beginnings: On God’s Mercy and GraceChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:45:17+00:00