friendship

Sanctifying Relationships

KRISTI MCCOWN | GUEST My personal struggle is, most of the time, “between my ears,” as Susan Tyner would say. My mind is a battlefield—a place where intrusive thoughts, fears, and sinful desires battle for control. Relationships are at the top of the list of the daily battles that I struggle with. This is why I am grateful for gospel friends. “Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” This C.S. Lewis quote from the book The Four Loves came to mind when I listened to the podcast “Risky Obedience” by Karen Hodge and Susan Tyner. Their conversation has been a breath of fresh air for my soul. The vulnerability they share is life-giving to me. One of Karen's questions in the first episode that struck me was, “Why is it risky? What do we risk when we enter relationships with other people?” Relationships, for me, are equal parts messy and wonderful. Much of the pain throughout my life has come from the way I respond to conflicts with others. I have a strong desire to be liked. My love language is words of encouragement, but the flip side of that is that I fear criticism. I fear what others think of me. So, when someone criticizes me or points out an error, I tend to fall apart. My reaction is to cover, hide, or blame. I believe the childhood saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is incorrect because words do hurt. There is another childhood rhythm that says, "I'm rubber, and you're glue; what bounces off me sticks to you.” Both statements make it sound as though the words people say to us have no effect. But they do. In fact, they often have a lasting impact, leaving scars that last far longer than any schoolyard fight or tumble. Even more, if others hit us with hurtful words, our sinful desire will be to hurt them back. Karen Hodge reminded me so sweetly in this podcast that “we speak out of the overflow of our hearts.” We see this in our cutting and sarcastic jabs, in the ways we place blame on others, or in our defensive responses. Whatever is in our hearts will come out when we have a conflict with another person. I know that all too well. As I continue to think about how I respond to the messiness of interpersonal relationships, the podcast left me with two encouragements...

Sanctifying RelationshipsChristina Fox2025-03-10T18:03:29+00:00

The Gift God Gave Before Christmas

JAMYE DOERFLER | CONTRIBUTOR “In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord’….So Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.” Luke 1:39-45, 56 Though it’s not specified in this passage, the baby that leapt in Elizabeth’s womb was John the Baptist. Every single gospel account connects the conceptions and births of John the Baptist and Jesus, stating that John’s ministry was to prepare people for Jesus’s ministry. How much more special is it that the two were related! In fact, as I reflect on this passage, I see a merciful thing God did by making them in the same family: he gave the beautiful gift of mutual support to these mothers. Miraculous Pregnancies Both Elizabeth and Mary became pregnant in miraculous ways. Prior to this passage, Luke tells Elizabeth’s story: her husband, Zechariah, was a priest, and he and Elizabeth were “both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statues of the Lord” (Luke 1:6). However, they had no children, and Elizabeth was now too old to conceive naturally. An angel visited Zechariah and told him that his wife would become pregnant with a special child. This son, whom he was told to name John, would bring the people of Israel back to the Lord (Luke 1:13-17). Mary, on the other hand, was a teenage virgin. The angel Gabriel also foretold of her pregnancy with a special child—the Messiah they had been awaiting. The son, whom she was to name Jesus, would be given the throne of David, and “His kingdom will never end” (Luke 1:26-28)....

The Gift God Gave Before ChristmasChristina Fox2024-11-22T16:55:20+00:00

Christian Love in Times of Political Division

AMANDA DUVALL | GUEST Among the cute photos of babies, puppies, and family vacations on social media— you see it. A friend from church posts a political message, and you cannot believe they vote for that person. Or support that cause. Or believe that news story. Maybe you reach for the quick “unfollow” button so you don’t have to see their posts anymore. Now, what happens when we walk into church and run into that person? We want to do the real world equivalent of an “unfollow.” Remove that person from our lives— if not entirely, at least put some distance between us. On the outside, everything probably looks the same, but the communion once shared has shifted, maybe even broken. This is not to downplay the real hurt we can experience in our relationships as the world becomes more politicized. It’s not just the election—there is almost no part of our society, public or private, untouched by politics. Maybe because of this, we tend to think our divisiveness today is so uniquely difficult for the Church to navigate. But then we read the New Testament. The first Christians hailed from every walk of life, and so, it was not uncommon to find a rich and educated individual, who just last month was participating in pagan rituals, right alongside a poor Jew, who had no power or property and adhered to some very strict personal ethics. Imagine for a second with me, then, what these relationships might have looked like— so easily laced with misunderstanding and awkwardness, offense, hurt, and downright rudeness. There was no earthly reason for these people to share anything in common. But in telling the Colossians about their new community, Paul says this, “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all” (3:11)...

Christian Love in Times of Political DivisionChristina Fox2024-10-02T15:17:23+00:00

No One Left Behind! Made for More: A Shared Journey

KAREN HODGE | CONTRIBUTOR My family and I prepared for a hike during a recent trip to England. As we got ready, we needed to ensure we had all the equipment necessary for a long journey: the right shoes, plenty of hydration and food, and an accurate trail map. The first mile of the hike was relatively easy until we came to the edge of Malham Cove. I stared at four hundred steps straight up a three-hundred-foot incline to the white cliffs above me. At this point, I was tempted to turn back since I was only one mile into a five-mile hike. Half of my family was already at the top, and they shouted over the ledge, "The view is worth the effort!" I took my time so as not to trip or fall. I looked over my shoulder, and my kind son-in-law walked behind me. He is an expert hiker, so I urged him to speed up. As I huffed and puffed, he said, "Nobody in our family gets left behind." Over the next several hours, we saw spectacular views including grand vistas and beautiful waterfalls. I was also thankful that my son-in-law had an "AllTrails" app that helped us see when we were veering off the marked trail. That evening, when we got to the trail's end, we feasted and reminisced about our walk through the beauty of God's creation. A Shared Journey This fall, PCA Women’s Ministries will embark on a Made for More shared journey that will take us to eight cities around North America. It is our hope that these intergenerational conferences for young women third grade and up will just be the beginning of an ongoing conversation. We will be talking about the things that matter most surrounded by the people that matter most in our lives. We will explore big questions such as who is God, why am I here, what is my purpose, and what is my final destination on this faith journey? We hope that these questions spark conversations that will continue long after the conferences...

No One Left Behind! Made for More: A Shared JourneyChristina Fox2024-09-05T14:39:19+00:00

Fellow Travelers on the Highway to Zion

BARBARANNE KELLY | CONTRIBUTOR Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion. —Psalm 84:5–7 Who else remembers the sweet miniseries about Anne of Green Gables from the 90’s? A central feature of much of the story was the “bosom friendship” between Anne (“with an ‘e’”) and Diana. Hatched in the sweet exuberance of childhood, over the years their friendship blossomed and matured, with many ups and downs in between. I enjoyed following Anne and Diana as they grew up together through girlhood, into adolescence, and then young adulthood, probably because I rarely lived in one place long enough to grow up together with a “bosom” friend. Being created in the image of God means (among other things) that we are capable of and even thrive in relationships. There are different types of relationships given structure by God’s design for (at the very least) the perpetuation and survival of our species, and these are reflected in Scripture as pictures of our relationship to God. The love of God as a Father is the love that saves his children, nurtures them, and gives them life; the love of Christ for his bride is a love that protects, washes, and sanctifies her. I may be stretching the analogy too far, but perhaps friendship is an example of God’s love within the Trinity. For the fellowship within the Trinity is simply (and yet incomprehensively) about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit knowing, loving, enjoying, and glorifying one another. When we’re children, our friendships form with other children our own age, and may develop simply because we’re thrown together by reason of living near one another or being in the same class at school. As we age though, the ties which bind friendships together change from outward circumstance and become more inward. Our friends aren’t those who happen to live nearby—though they may—but it’s not simply because they live nearby. Our friends are those with whom we’ve found a common interest and enjoyment; those with whom we share an aspect of our inward selves...

Fellow Travelers on the Highway to ZionChristina Fox2024-08-06T17:06:42+00:00

Speak Words That Are Fitting

CHRISTINA FOX | EDITOR Have you ever gone through a hard season, and someone said something with the intention of making you feel better, but it only made you feel worse? Perhaps you just learned shocking news that brought you to your knees and a friend said, “God will work this out for your good.” Or maybe you just experienced a significant loss, and someone said, “Everything is going to be okay.” Or you faced a very real fear, and someone said, “Don’t worry about it. You just need to trust in God.” Suffering is uncomfortable—certainly for the person enduring it, but also for those who witness it. We can feel uncomfortable with a friend’s expressions of grief or anger or agony, so we may say things to her to cheer her up or calm her down that does the opposite of what we intend—our words hurt rather than heal. We may even say things that are ultimately true but said at the wrong time. A friend once said to me that when he is suffering, he wants friends who did as Job’s friends did—but only in those first seven days when they sat in the dust and ashes with him and said not a word (Job 2:13). Because Words Matter Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” What we say really does matter. This is true not only in times of suffering but also when a friend voices a problem she is experiencing at work or a dilemma she faces in her parenting or doubts she faces in her faith. It’s important that we pause and take time to consider what is truly helpful and what meets her heart’s need in that moment. What words will encourage her? What words will remind her what is true? What words will equip her to live for God and His glory? As we speak to our friend, we need to be mindful of how we speak...

Speak Words That Are FittingChristina Fox2024-07-26T14:31:21+00:00

Making Space to Connect Across the Generations

KAREN HODGE | CONTRIBUTOR Miss Janey Bilderback was an eighty-year-old retired missionary from Africa. She gave her life away on the mission field and never married. This dear woman entered my life in junior high at the Southern Baptist Church I attended in West Palm Beach, Florida. Now looking back, you would think if you had served most of your life in rural Africa, that you might get a free pass for time well served when the youth pastor was recruiting Sunday School teachers. But she showed up week in and week out and opened the Bible with a bunch of insecure, clueless junior high girls. Miss Janey extended hospitality by opening our time with Dunkin Doughnut holes to get us talking. She saw past our small, awkward appearance and held up a vision of a big God who she believed could do abundantly more than we could ask or think. When we graduated from junior high school, she gave each girl in our class an embordered linen handkerchief. Even after we moved on to high school, she would write us notes and check in on us. I held onto that handkerchief long after Miss Janey went to be with the Lord. I asked the florist to include this priceless gift in the middle of my wedding bouquet. Miss Janey's intergenerational friendship impacted me more than I could have ever imagined. The Hospitality of the Gospel A definition our family likes to use for hospitality is “to make space.” Of course, you make space at a table for a guest to dine by setting another place setting. But the hospitality of the gospel makes space in a myriad of different and costly ways. We can make space in a conversation to listen to the questions underneath the questions. Creating margin in our calendar to be able to have space to respond to the need of people in our life extends grace and hospitality. We are often stretched when we make space in our lives for different kinds of people who may struggle in different stages of their faith journey. Miss Janey made space for young women who had nothing to offer and each Sunday morning at 10 a.m., we rehearsed the content of the gospel in the context of community over doughnut holes...

Making Space to Connect Across the GenerationsChristina Fox2024-03-29T17:08:02+00:00

Welcome Younger Women into Your Life

CHRISTINE GORDON | CONTRIBUTOR The first time we met, she was hosting tea in two different rooms of her African home. Tea is a big deal in Malawi, along with the relationships and conversations that surround it. At that point she was probably in her 40s, had one grown son back in the States and a middle school-aged daughter with her while she and her husband served at the African Bible College (ABC) in Lilongwe. She had been a Christian most of her life, grew up in the rural Midwest, loved marriage and children and cooking. After her husband’s army career and her many years as a nurse, they answered a call to Sub-Saharan Africa. There I met them while on a mission trip with a local church during the summer after my senior year of college. I immediately put Barbara into a small box in my mind that included 1950s moms who baked and waited for their children to come home so they could pour them glasses of milk. Of course, there was nothing wrong with women like this, but I knew I didn’t want to be one. I wanted a career, was unsure of marriage, and had decided I didn’t want children. I had been a Christian just over two years when I walked into Barbara’s living room that summer. I never would have expected how our lives would intertwine, or how much I would want to be like her. While on the ABC campus those first two weeks, I watched Barbara serve meals, ask questions, and listen to our group of about 20 students. She smiled, laughed, and patiently explained life in Africa to us. She obviously loved and enjoyed Bruce, a large teddy bear of a man who taught classes at the school. I learned that she walked around the gym on campus every day for exercise and asked if I could join her. She graciously allowed me to come for the first of what would become many shared walks. Barbara was just beginning to become to me what felt like an anchor in the changing and sometimes confusing sea that was Africa. Meanwhile, our team from the US visited villages, shared the gospel, and spent time with students. As I saw more and more of the poverty around me, (Malawi was the 4th poorest country in the world at the time), I struggled. The questions I had in the back of my mind about a good God and pain in the world were suddenly front and center. Bruce and Barbara had a meeting in their house to discuss what we had seen and felt. She moved among us offering tea, a listening ear, and comfort...

Welcome Younger Women into Your LifeChristina Fox2024-02-17T18:12:21+00:00

The Irreplaceable Encouragement of Intergenerational Relationships

AMANDA DUVALL | GUEST I took a seat at my assigned table for my first Bible study at our new church and was surprised to see a number of gray and white heads dotted among the tables. I wondered, what would it be like to study alongside women who were 20, 30, or more years older than I? Up until this point, my close friendships consisted of almost exclusively people in or near my stage of life. As I’ve aged, I noticed that surrounding myself with people of my own generation is like living with tunnel vision. I could sense I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Of course, I had read Titus 2:3, which instructs older women to teach and train younger women in what is good, and that’s what I wanted! But I had little idea what this might actually look like in my real life. Today, I am privileged to have friendships with women who live out the example of Titus 2 that I’ve longed to see. And it is not their own brilliance or expertise that shines, but the way they lift my eyes from the false hope of self-focus to behold what is truly good—Jesus Christ. Humility at every age Each week, friends with decades of experience following Jesus put on a posture of humility as they engage with our group and with God’s Word, and in doing so have taught me more than any lesson plan could...

The Irreplaceable Encouragement of Intergenerational RelationshipsChristina Fox2024-01-03T14:21:54+00:00

Navigating Conflict in Relationships

HEATHER MOLENDYK|CONTRIBUTOR Claire and Jen were those young moms that spent more time together than sisters. From school choice to playdates to daily phone calls, the friends were inseparable. At least they were until Jen refused to speak to Claire at church one Sunday. Claire attempted to restore the relationship every way she knew how. Fifteen years later, the kids are grown, and Claire still doesn’t know what she did to hurt the woman who used to be her best friend. At the local middle school, Jordyn isn’t faring much better. Her lunch time is spent trying to find a place to eat in peace. What started as a fallout between two friends, has now morphed into a drama that has the entire school taking sides. Jordyn bites into her apple while longingly watching the table where she used to be part of the group. Would things have been different if the injured classmate had been as open with Jordyn as she had with the other girls? Relationships are messy. As sinful creatures, we often make mistakes and hurt one another whether intentionally or accidentally. Fortunately, we serve a God that does not abandon us to the messes our sinful natures create. He walks with us, teaches us, and gives us the power to do hard things. Jesus teaches His followers how to manage relationships in the book of Matthew. Though the teachings of Christ might make us squirm, Scripture is incredibly clear as to how we are to navigate the struggles that come our way...

Navigating Conflict in RelationshipsChristina Fox2023-08-17T14:20:25+00:00