Aging

Gray Hair is a Crown of Glory

KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR Recently, I got an email from a friend. She had heard through the grapevine that my husband had been briefly hospitalized. (He’s fine.) She wanted to let me know she was praying for us. I’ve known Doras for around 17 years and during those years, she has often sent emails letting me know that she’s praying for me, and I know that she reaches out to many this way. I don’t get to see Doras as often as I used to, but I did get to see her recently for a special occasion—her 100th birthday party! You read that correctly. I have a 100-year-old friend who prays for me and who communicates by email. I met Doras when my husband was called to be the pastor of her church. She was 83 years old and had been a widow for several years. Doras was quick to make sure she had my email address. I learned that while the church was without a pastor, 83-year-old Doras decided it would be a good idea to start an informal email newsletter to encourage the congregation and help everyone stay connected. On a regular basis, she would send emails that announced church events, shared prayer requests, and offered encouragement to gather for worship. She forwarded prayer letters sent out by our missionaries and if a member of our church wanted to get the word out about anything, they needed only to send an email to Doras. For the next twelve years, while my husband served as pastor of Doras’s church, I could count on regular emails that encouraged, informed, and blessed me...

Gray Hair is a Crown of GloryChristina Fox2024-02-10T19:34:15+00:00

Living and Dying in Hope of Heaven: Preparing for Glory

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR When I tell people I’ve written a book about preparing for glory, about living and dying in the hope of heaven, I get mixed reactions. Some people wonder why we would need to “prepare” for glory. Others wonder, frankly, if I’m being morbid. Good questions. I’ll just say that I don’t think I’m morbid. If anything, I’m realistic, given that, besides Enoch and Elijah, every person who has ever lived has also died. I’m also optimistic, someone who believes that despite the harsh reality of death, something far far better awaits those who trust in Jesus. Finally, I’m practical, because I’ve seen that a kind, thoughtful, and clear preparation for incapacity and death is one of the most profound gifts we can leave our grieving loved ones. To decide if we really need to prepare for glory, let’s begin by considering what we mean by glory in this context. Glory is a wide and weighty word. It is used throughout Scripture to refer to the glory of the triune God. But throughout Christian history, it has been used as a shorthand for “eternal glory.” I propose this summary of eternal glory: Eternal glory is a place and an age and a state of glory where glory is given to the glorious Father, Son, and Holy Spirit by glorified saints and where the glory of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is enjoyed by glorified saints for all eternity. The apostle Peter sheds more light on eternal glory: “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). According to Peter, eternal glory is that to which we have been called, by “the God of all grace,” “in Christ.” Eternal glory is the future glory “to be revealed in us” after “the sufferings of this present time” (Rom. 8:18). Eternal glory is that for which we and all of creation “groan inwardly” as we “wait eagerly” (Rom. 8:23). Eternal glory is the glory for which the sufferings of this world prepare us. Eternal glory is so weighty that it will one day prove our sufferings to have been as light as a feather (2 Cor. 4:17–18)...

Living and Dying in Hope of Heaven: Preparing for GloryChristina Fox2024-01-28T01:30:46+00:00

Hallmark, the Gospel, and the New Year

KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR I have a confession to make. I like Hallmark Movies. Now, perhaps you don’t see that as something to confess, but I’m someone who used to mercilessly mock Hallmark-type movies and those who liked them. I viewed such movies as silly and predictable and the folks who enjoyed those movies as shallow, undiscerning media consumers. I was wrong. Now, I’m not saying that Hallmark movies are high art, just that they have value that I previously did not appreciate. In case you’re unfamiliar, most Hallmark movies have a similar plot. In the first few minutes a woman experiencing some sort of disappointing life change or crisis meets or reconnects with a man who she initially finds unappealing. Circumstances cause the two to have to work together on some project or event. Miraculously they successfully complete the project—that would normally take months to complete—in a week or two. Sparks fly and romance is kindled. Despite obvious attraction, the couple experiences conflict and misunderstanding leading them to believe that they’re not meant to be together. But this belief is short-lived and the movie crescendos with the couple professing their love, sealed with a kiss. The Beauty of Simplicity Why do millions of people (mostly women) enjoy these predictable, unrealistic, formulaic movies? During a particularly stressful season in my life, I discovered Hallmark movies and found the predictability comforting. At first, I thought my enjoyment was nothing more than a little escape from reality. But what if it’s the opposite? What if the reason I was drawn to these movies is that they are supremely realistic? Perhaps the predictable plots and simplistic stories remind us of the beautiful simplicity of the Gospel story and point us to the reality of life with Christ? As lost sinners we look for meaning. Uncertainty fills our lives. When we are introduced to Jesus, we may think He’s not the answer we’re looking for. We may resist submitting to His Lordship. But He woos us, and we become smitten with Him. He does the seemingly impossible. He saves and changes a sinner. Along the way, sin interferes. We sometimes think there’s another way. We make choices that complicate our life on earth and our relationship with Jesus. Sometimes staying the course with Christ seems unimaginable. But in the end, we can be sure that we will be together. Everything will be made right, and we will enjoy an eternity in the presence of Christ. This is the kind of predictability we long for and it’s the kind of predictability we can count on as we embark on a new year. Exhaustion is what many of feel at the end of the year. The holiday season, though filled with joy and fun, is also tiring. For some of us, grief and sadness hover over the season. We may lack enthusiasm as we move into the new year. Hope may not be in the forefront. Believe it or not, I think Hallmark movies can help us here. Remembering the Faithfulness of God A common theme in Hallmark movies is the main character re-connecting with his or her roots or uncovering an important story from the past. The connection to the past inspires and empowers the character to move forward. Like the comfort food that fills our holiday tables and reminds us of our gatherings in years past, the comfort-flicks, of Hallmark remind us to remember joyful times. Such remembering offers a taste of the comfort that comes from the true Comforter...

Hallmark, the Gospel, and the New YearChristina Fox2024-01-05T18:36:44+00:00

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a Caregiver

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR As Marissa Bondurant mentioned in our last article in this series, caregiving, while a burden, is also a calling. Today I want to explore one of the common challenges of this calling: anticipatory grief. Anticipatory Grief Three years ago, Lara’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. As his primary caregiver, Lara is struggling. She finds herself crying frequently, losing her temper daily, and feeling anxious constantly. Like many caregivers of people with progressive or terminal disease, Lara is experiencing anticipatory grief. According to bereavement counselor Marty Tousley, “Grief occurs in anticipation of and following a loss. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis, or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce anticipatory grief.”[i] Symptoms of anticipatory grief may include anger, anxiety, depression, denial, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. The caregiver may also experience a sense of hope as she imagines the coming relief from her caregiving burden. Following that sense of hope, she may feel guilt. While many psychologists call this grief “anticipatory,” others note that “anticipatory” may not be the most accurate term, because the caregiver is experiencing grief over current loss—the loss of the ability to enjoy life with her loved one as she did in the past, the losses her loved one now experiences due to limitations, and the loss of the caregiver’s “normal” life. The first thing caregivers need to know is that both anticipatory grief about the future and present grief about the loss of past joys is to be expected. In addition, the caregiver can take comfort from and learn from Jesus as she navigates anticipatory grief...

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief as a CaregiverChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:46:46+00:00

True Immortality: Facing Death with the Hope of Christ

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR Transhumanist Zoltan Istvan believes we shouldn’t have to die; in 2015, to share his “gospel,” he drove around the United States in the “Immortality Bus,” “a brown bus spray-painted to look like a coffin.”[1] Biogerontologist Andrew Steele describes “biological immortality,”[2] arguing that aging should be viewed as a disease that will one day be cured. In a world that resists aging, denies death, and increasingly seeks to achieve immortality, how should Christians respond? We need to begin with a solid understanding of how the Bible teaches us to view both mortality—death and dying, and Christian immortality—eternal life in Christ. The Beginning of Death In the beginning, God formed humans from the earthy dust, breathing life into them, shaping them in his image, with the potential for living forever (Gen. 2:7; 1:26-27). He called them “very good” (Gen. 1:31). God generously invited Adam and Eve to eat from every tree of the garden but commanded them not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 2:16). If they ate from that tree, he warned, they would die (Gen. 2:17). The serpent which Satan embodied, approached Eve (and Adam, who was standing right beside Eve (Gen. 3:6)), tempting her to eat from the only forbidden tree. When she objected, the serpent scoffed, “You will not surely die” (Gen. 3:4). Adam and Eve did take of the fruit of the tree, but oddly they did not die physically, at least not immediately. Instead, their eyes were opened, they discovered they were naked, and they felt shame. They hid from God as he walked through the garden seeking them. The first death was a spiritual one, but through sin, both spiritual and physical death had now entered the world (Rom. 5:12). The story could have ended there. By God’s grace, it did not. Even before God told Adam and Eve the consequences of their sin, he addressed Satan, telling him he would one day send a child who would crush him (Gen. 3:15). This child would be God’s own Son, Jesus, and he would destroy Satan by dying on a cross. It is the first proclamation of the gospel in Scripture. We should grieve death and dying. As pastor Dan Doriani writes, “Death is a foe, not a friend. It is a curse and an outrage, the bitter fruit of the fall, not a natural process.”[3] And yet, because God allowed his own Son to die, God’s people have hope for a different ending. It is in this hope that we face the harsh reality of death and dying...

True Immortality: Facing Death with the Hope of ChristChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:48:19+00:00

Thoughts on Growing Older

LEAH FARISH|GUEST Today I had a lovely conversation with a Christian sister approaching 80—years, not mph. We had just finished Sharon Betters’ and Susan Hunt’s Aging with Grace, and that led us to our own talk on that topic. The book presents “steppingstones” of advice about getting older, and we came up with a few more. Widen your heart After a certain age, we cannot be young, but we can be youthful. The phrase “growing older” really offers a choice—between growing or just getting old. One of the things I notice about a youthful, ageless person is that she keeps growing in relationships. In existing relationships, she allows her friends to change; she lets herself be surprised; she expects her children to develop continually. She is open to new relationships, greeting newcomers at church or events, asking questions, revising first impressions with second and fifth and twentieth ones. One of the godliest, and ever-youthful, people I ever knew, my mother, was still asking the names—and birthdays and life stories-- of her ever-changing roster of caregivers when she was in her late 80’s. We would call or visit to check on her only to hear of the woes or triumphs of the third-grade child of her physical therapist. Her heart remained wide open to people all her life. Paul admonishes us; “You are restricted in your own affections…[W]iden your hearts.” (1 Cor. 6:12-13). It has become fashionable for some of us to nestle into our identity as introverts, but if we want to stay youthful, we will continue to pursue love...

Thoughts on Growing OlderChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:48:33+00:00

Leaving a Legacy of Love: Creating a Spiritual Legacy {Part 2}

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR Editor's Note: This is the second in a two-part series on leaving a legacy. To read the first post, click here. “Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of men” (Psalm 66:5). In addition to preparing well for death and blessing our loved ones by creating a practical legacy, we can also create a spiritual legacy. A spiritual legacy may include the stories, values, and wisdom of our lives that point to the “awesome deeds” of God (Psalm 145:6). Such a spiritual legacy is a gift our loved ones will cherish for years to come. Our Lived Spiritual Legacy In part, we create our spiritual legacy by the way we live our days. I will never forget my grandmother studying her well-worn Bible in preparation for teaching her Sunday school lesson. Maybe you remember finding your mother on her knees by her bed; another friend recalls a favorite uncle pointing out how marvelously God designed caterpillars and butterflies. When we take time out of our busy days to read children books, sing them songs, or listen to their stories, we demonstrate the goodness and kindness of a heavenly Father who delights in them. Every way we live out God’s story of grace in our lives becomes part of our spiritual legacy. Our Recorded Spiritual Legacy In addition to our lived spiritual legacy, we can pass on our God-given wisdom and gospel-grown gratitude in written form or in an audio or video recording. There are numerous types of legacies we night leave: stories, letters, blessings, albums, or lists. To create such a legacy will take time, intentionality, and prayer, but we can press forward, remembering that after we’re gone, our loved ones often become ready audiences to hear our deepest beliefs and best stories—about them, about life, about God. Let’s consider each type of spiritual legacy. Six Types of Spiritual Legacy...

Leaving a Legacy of Love: Creating a Spiritual Legacy {Part 2}Christina Fox2023-03-24T17:52:53+00:00

Leaving a Legacy of Love: Preparing A Practical Legacy {Part 1}

ELIZABETH TURNAGE|CONTRIBUTOR “I told my neighbor I was taking this workshop, and she said, ‘I’m not doing a thing. They can figure it all out after I’m gone.’” A member of my Organizing Your Life and Legacy workshop shared this comment with our group, and we all shook our heads sadly. The comment doesn’t surprise us—death has become a taboo subject in our culture, less open for discussion than politics and sex. Reasons abound for death’s denial and distancing, including fear of death, denial of death, and removal of death from the home to the hospital. And yet, like it or not, we’re all dying. How Scripture Prepares Us for Death..

Leaving a Legacy of Love: Preparing A Practical Legacy {Part 1}Christina Fox2023-03-24T17:55:20+00:00

Preparing to Meet Jesus

SHARON ROCKWELL|GUEST This summer some young women from my Bible study decided to make the long drive to visit our classmate— a woman who had recently moved out of the county to an assisted living home to be by her daughter. Her health had deteriorated to the point where she could no longer take care of her home or herself. She had been with my small group for many years, and she will be sorely missed when we start up in the fall. We were met with a flood of thankful tears when we arrived. Agnes’ new home was small but decorated with the things she cherished most. Family pictures were hung on the walls, as were a large cross and several plaques with Bible verses that were particularly meaningful to her. On her kitchen table was a large print Bible. I noticed a magnifying glass nearby, along with a pad of paper that was labeled “prayer requests.” After our tour of her new place, Agnes told us the details of her health condition, a recent fall, and the need for her walker now. At lunch, and after she was updated on all our personal news, Agnes asked how she could pray for each of us. She commented that she saw prayer as her only remaining purpose in living. Her body was slowing down, but her prayer life was expanding as she met the people in her new home. Still, she told us change was hard. I first met Agnes (name has been changed) when I randomly sat next to her in a fellowship hall more than ten years ago. She was in her 80’s then and told me this was her fourth time through the Bible series. Clearly, she had trouble seeing the text and hearing our lesson, so I asked her why she wanted to repeat the study again. I will never forget her answer. She said she wanted to be well prepared for when she saw Jesus...

Preparing to Meet JesusChristina Fox2023-03-24T18:15:14+00:00