marriage

A Match (un)Made in Heaven

JAMYE DOERFLER | CONTRIBUTOR I think about heaven a lot. When I’m sad because I’m watching a loved one’s body break down, or because human impact on the environment brings destruction and death, I look to what I know about heaven. In heaven, we will be given new bodies and will inhabit a new earth. One thing will not be made new? Our marriages. The cliché is, “it’s a match made in heaven.” However, in reality, every match made on earth will be unmade in heaven. Consider Jesus’ conversation with the Sadducees in Matthew 22. Marriage Unmade The Sadducees, who did not believe in the resurrection and were trying to make Jesus look foolish, asked a hypothetical question: “Teacher, Moses said, ‘If a man dies having no children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.’ Now there were seven brothers among us. The first married and died, and having no offspring left his wife to his brother. So too the second and third, down to the seventh. After them all, the woman died. In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her.” “But Jesus answered them, ‘You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.’” (Matthew 22:24-30)...

A Match (un)Made in HeavenChristina Fox2024-02-04T20:09:30+00:00

Don’t Waste Your Engagement

STEPHANIE FORMENTI|CONTRIBUTOR Summer is upon us and so is wedding season! This means that many engaged couples are anticipating a wedding and preparing for marriage. The season of engagement can seem like a time created for planning a wedding, attending bridal showers, celebrating with friends, and booking a honeymoon. But engagement is much more significant than that. It is a unique season full of opportunities for growth and maturity. So don’t waste your engagement! Whether you are engaged yourself, walking alongside engaged friends, a mother-of-the-bride, or a spiritual mother to younger women, here are three things to consider about preparing for marriage. Embrace the Tension First, embrace the tension. The season of engagement is wrought with mixed emotions. There is a growing sense of commitment which leads to contagious excitement, ear-to-ear smiles, and hopeful anticipation. On the other hand, the engagement season comes with a heavy load of details to think about and plans to make. This can be overwhelming and even paralyzing. But, more than that, there is an underlying tension present during engagement. When you get engaged, you make a decisive move towards planning your life with someone; you make a significant commitment. You decide what dishes you want, the thread count for sheets, and pick out a mattress. In premarital counseling, you talk about budgeting, conflict-resolution, family dynamics, and sex. And all these small decisions and weighty conversations inch closer and closer to becoming “one flesh” the way God intended marriage to be. You talk about the future as if you are already married. But here lies the tension: you are not married yet. This tension makes engagement a tricky experience that can be difficult to navigate and even frustrating at times...

Don’t Waste Your EngagementChristina Fox2023-08-15T13:22:15+00:00

When Your Spouse is Not a Believer: A Vertical Perspective

SUSAN MCCELDRY|GUEST As we sat down for dinner, my husband laid his hand on the countertop, palm up. Knowing our prayer routine, I placed my hand in his and waited for him to pray. Before he uttered a word, tears threatened to come forth, as a thought flashed through my mind: This would not have been possible eight years ago. A Dramatic Salvation Rarely will an unbelieving couple come to faith at the same time, and this was true in my marriage. I came to faith first in 2014 because of God’s dramatic saving of my eternal life. Because of my sin, lack of biblical knowledge, and virtually no relationship with Jesus, I spent at least ten years dabbling in the occult. Not only did I read books written by psychic mediums, I also saw them at in-person events. I then spent an additional two years harnessing and actively developing my psychic ability. I did all these things while professing to be a Christian. My time in the occult ended with a vision of a dark hooded cloak image superimposed over my reflection in the mirror. In that moment I lost all sense of rationality and was tormented by a voice in my head that repeatedly told me that I was going to Hell. I was involuntarily committed to the mental unit of our hospital and spent five days there. I came home a new person, one that never wanted anything to do with the occult spiritual world ever again. Where did that leave my marriage? I became a Christian that was married to an unbelieving husband. God became my authority while my husband’s authority was himself. The struggle of two people living under two different authorities surfaced rather quickly. How can a marriage like that thrive and grow? You may be in a similar situation in your own marriage. Perhaps you trust in Christ for your salvation, but your husband does not, and this creates not only heartache for you, but even discord in your marriage. What does it look like to live out your faith when unequally yoked?...

When Your Spouse is Not a Believer: A Vertical PerspectiveChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:45:56+00:00

Your Unwanted Journey: Facing Your Husband’s Pornography Struggle

“God, I come to you very weak and broken. Grieved over the sin of my husband that I just discovered. Shocked—feeling betrayed—angry—distrustful—sad at sin’s corrupting power—very aware of my own desperate need for grace as I must confront him.” I wrote these words in a journal entry when I discovered evidence on my computer’s history that my husband had been visiting pornographic sites. Although I knew of his struggle prior to our marriage, I naively assumed that he was done battling pornography and that our marital bliss would provide the antidote he needed against temptation. My dreams of a happy, secure marriage in which I felt compellingly beautiful to my husband were instantly shattered that afternoon—barely more than a year into our marriage. It was made worse by the fact that just the day before I had asked him if he had been struggling lately with pornography, and he said, 'No.'” I remember getting the call from this woman. She was devastated, confused, and angry. Pornography usage is an unfaithful behavior that breaks the sacred promise: I am devoted and faithful to you alone. We might even call it treason of the marriage covenant, though some may think this too dramatic or stern. But aren’t husbands called to faithful oneness to their wife, to lay down their lives for her? She, of course, is called to the same, but why is it that church leaders can minimize the traumatic impact of porn, as well as the grave sin of sexual infidelity—which porn viewing is?...

Your Unwanted Journey: Facing Your Husband’s Pornography StruggleChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:50:49+00:00

The Hard but Glorious in Conflict

ALICE KIM|CONTRIBUTOR Navigating conflict often feels like stuffing a bedsheet set back into its original packaging. If you manage to return the contents, you realize it’s not the same. The once smooth and compact surface and sharp corners are now bulging with lumps and oddly shaped edges. Though we sincerely believe the gospel makes a difference between two people who love Jesus and are actively walking toward understanding and forgiveness, it seems that reconciliation and restoration are unfortunately, the exception rather than the norm. Messy Relationships We feel the weight of how messy and complicated relationships in families, marriages, friendships, coworkers, and neighbors are as we live intertwined lives. Our differing personalities, backgrounds, desires, biases, and emotional triggers are potential sources of conflict. Furthermore, the less we know about the other person, the more inaccurate assumptions fill the gaps of understanding and in turn, taint the relationship. Even with the best intentions, we are still insensitive. I know this is true of myself. We treat objects or goals more important than people. We burden others with expectations and are convinced our way is better. Sadly, the effects of living in a fallen and broken world become inescapable...

The Hard but Glorious in ConflictChristina Fox2023-03-24T17:51:23+00:00

Seeing the Unseen Victims of Domestic Violence in Your Church

DARBY STRICKLAND|GUEST Did you know that 25% of married Christian women are being abused by their spouses? How might that change your response when a woman in your church comes up to you seeking marital advice? Victims of abuse need you to be alert to their reality. How might knowing the prevalence of domestic abuse prompt you to engage women in your church differently? I know it is hard to imagine that domestic abuse is so common, let alone that it frequently occurs in your church. And, regardless of how often it is occurring in your church, if there is even one woman in your local church body that is being abused, she needs you to be alert to recognize her situation. Unaware of a Pervasive Problem There are two main reasons we often do not detect the presence of domestic abuse. The first is that marital oppression occurs behind closed doors—it is typically not something we observe happening. Oppressors use coercion and punishment in private to control their spouse, while they manage a carefully crafted image in public. The Bill Cosby and Ravi Zacharias scandals help us to better understand an abuser's ability to deceive those around him. They behaved very differently in public than in private. People who perpetrate abuse are master deceivers. That means there are most likely abusive people in your church that you could never imagine were abusive. Many abusers do not fit the loud, aggressive, out-of-control personality that you might picture in your mind. The second reason why we do not recognize abuse is because the victim does not realize she is being oppressed. I have had hundreds of conversations with victims who themselves struggle to call abusive behaviors sin, let alone abuse. Victims of abuse know that something is wrong, but they often do not know what it is. They worry that they exaggerate, are oversensitive, are ultimately responsible for their spouse's anger, or do not remember things correctly when recounting an intense conflict. Their abuser blames them for how he treats them, and they come to believe the cruel and twisted accusations. Consequently, they live in a fog of confusion created by their oppressor. Because of their inability to comprehend that what they are enduring rises to the level of abuse, when abused women approach other women in the church, they will ask for advice or feedback...

Seeing the Unseen Victims of Domestic Violence in Your ChurchChristina Fox2023-03-24T18:14:38+00:00

Five Lessons in Waiting on the Lord

I was 23 years old when I started praying daily for my husband and 33 when I met him. From the time we came home from our honeymoon, we prayed the Lord would make us parents. It wasn’t until the day before our 3rd anniversary when we finally received a positive pregnancy test. Waiting has often been a painful part of my story, but as I look back, I can see the Lord’s hand through it all. In many ways, the waiting was and is not complete, but in that sense I feel a kinship with many familiar Bible characters, and more so, the ultimate story of redemption. We are all waiting, aren’t we? How I long to wait well and in ways that honor God! When it comes to waiting well, the following are five helpful principles I’ve learned during long seasons of waiting: Be Honest with God. Your Heavenly Father knows you are in a season of waiting. He hears every cry of your heart, sees every painful tear that falls, feels every flicker of hope you feel. He knows it all, yet He longs for His children to be honest with Him, to wrestle with Him, and to continue to respond to Him in prayer, petitioning and trusting that He has not forgotten you. As Elisabeth Elliot said, “Waiting on God requires the ability to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts.”..

Five Lessons in Waiting on the LordChristina Fox2022-05-05T00:30:17+00:00