Navigating Conflict in Relationships

HEATHER MOLENDYK|CONTRIBUTOR Claire and Jen were those young moms that spent more time together than sisters. From school choice to playdates to daily phone calls, the friends were inseparable. At least they were until Jen refused to speak to Claire at church one Sunday. Claire attempted to restore the relationship every way she knew how. Fifteen years later, the kids are grown, and Claire still doesn’t know what she did to hurt the woman who used to be her best friend. At the local middle school, Jordyn isn’t faring much better. Her lunch time is spent trying to find a place to eat in peace. What started as a fallout between two friends, has now morphed into a drama that has the entire school taking sides. Jordyn bites into her apple while longingly watching the table where she used to be part of the group. Would things have been different if the injured classmate had been as open with Jordyn as she had with the other girls? Relationships are messy. As sinful creatures, we often make mistakes and hurt one another whether intentionally or accidentally. Fortunately, we serve a God that does not abandon us to the messes our sinful natures create. He walks with us, teaches us, and gives us the power to do hard things. Jesus teaches His followers how to manage relationships in the book of Matthew. Though the teachings of Christ might make us squirm, Scripture is incredibly clear as to how we are to navigate the struggles that come our way...

Navigating Conflict in Relationships2023-08-17T14:20:25+00:00

Forgiveness: A Costly Yet Worthy Obedience

ELLEN DYKAS|CONTRIBUTOR Corrie ten Boom, imprisoned during WWII for sheltering Jews in her home (along with her family), told a powerful story from a speaking event in Berlin. After sharing about God’s love, a man approached her. Oh, Miss Ten Boom, I’m so glad to see you…don’t you recognize me? She realized he was one of the cruelest guards in the concentration camp where she had been imprisoned with her sister, Betsy. He enthusiastically told her he was now a Christian, marveling at God’s forgiveness for all the cruelties he inflicted on people. But, he said, he prayed that God would give him an opportunity to ask one of his victims for forgiveness. Miss Ten Boom, will you forgive me? Corrie said, “I could not. I remembered the suffering of my dying sister through him...and I realized that if I did not forgive those who sin against me, my heavenly Father would not forgive me…but I could not [forgive him], but could only hate him.”[1] Confronting our inner hate and desperation I’ve not suffered the kind of trauma which Corrie endured, but I have been sinned against, and have confronted hatred in my heart towards evil doers, as well as believers who’ve betrayed me and mishandled my heart. What about you, sister? Today, are you weighed down with lingering pain and anger due to someone’s sin against you? A leader, friend, husband, parent, son, daughter, or boss? Do you resonate with Corrie’s desperate honesty, I can’t forgive, I can only hate?...

Forgiveness: A Costly Yet Worthy Obedience2023-08-15T13:17:27+00:00

Cultivating Community on Your Leadership Team

SHEA PATRICK|CONTRIBUTOR I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the phone calls I have received during my five years as a Regional Advisor on the PCA’s national women’s ministry team: the women’s ministry team at a particular church is unable to accomplish any of their goals because someone is trying to take over the team, or strife and conflict have caused relationships to completely break down. How can our leadership teams work together while loving and serving the church and each other well? I believe the answer is by working on the relationships between the women on the team. Even more, the relationships on our team can help our women’s ministry to support the mission and vision of the church or it can hinder these same things. We can take steps toward cultivating community on our team by doing two things: 1) remembering God’s design and 2) intentionally pursuing community...

Cultivating Community on Your Leadership Team2023-08-15T13:47:15+00:00

The Hard but Glorious in Conflict

ALICE KIM|CONTRIBUTOR Navigating conflict often feels like stuffing a bedsheet set back into its original packaging. If you manage to return the contents, you realize it’s not the same. The once smooth and compact surface and sharp corners are now bulging with lumps and oddly shaped edges. Though we sincerely believe the gospel makes a difference between two people who love Jesus and are actively walking toward understanding and forgiveness, it seems that reconciliation and restoration are unfortunately, the exception rather than the norm. Messy Relationships We feel the weight of how messy and complicated relationships in families, marriages, friendships, coworkers, and neighbors are as we live intertwined lives. Our differing personalities, backgrounds, desires, biases, and emotional triggers are potential sources of conflict. Furthermore, the less we know about the other person, the more inaccurate assumptions fill the gaps of understanding and in turn, taint the relationship. Even with the best intentions, we are still insensitive. I know this is true of myself. We treat objects or goals more important than people. We burden others with expectations and are convinced our way is better. Sadly, the effects of living in a fallen and broken world become inescapable...

The Hard but Glorious in Conflict2023-03-24T17:51:23+00:00

Understanding Wisdom: Gentle and Open to Reason

CHRISTINA FOX|EDITOR It’s no secret that we live in a contentious age. You’d have to live off grid, in a cave, on an island, on another planet to escape the near constant mudslinging found on social media, podcasts, talk-shows, and anywhere else people gather to voice their thoughts. People have strong opinions about many things, and even more than that, will degrade the character and disregard those who differ. The ultimate line in the sand is when people refuse to associate with anyone who holds an opposing view. It's become an us-versus-them kind of world. We group off into tribes of those who agree with our philosophies and convictions, against those who don’t—and never the twain shall meet. It seems like the hills we are willing to die on grow each day, making common ground nearly impossible to find. And what about Christians? We are just as involved in this assumption-making and disdain-casting world. Our arguments may differ from the culture—thought not always—but we use the same tactics. More often than not, our desire is to win an argument, rather than to understand the person with whom we disagree. What does wisdom have to say in all this?...

Understanding Wisdom: Gentle and Open to Reason2023-03-24T17:51:33+00:00

A Living Grief

HEATHER MOLENDYK|CONTRIBUTOR Hot water pounds my shoulders. I reach to turn the temperature hotter, desperate for the heat to stop the shivering in my bones. Although I am completely alone, my arms hug my naked chest in a protective gesture. They attempt to hold the broken pieces of my heart together. They utterly fail. The crumpling starts with my face before traveling down my vulnerable form. Dry sobs push up through my throat, contorting my mouth in a silent scream. There I stand completely alone, body raging against the guttural pain of grief, and unable to catch my breath before the next wave of tears push past my clenched eyes. To say that losing a loved one is hard is like saying an erupting volcano causes landscaping inconveniences. The exit of one you love always leaves a hole. Others may make substitutions. Others may offer what they can. But just like the uniqueness of individual snowflakes, each person in our lives contributes a special touch that only their fingerprints can make. We all know that life – no matter how vibrant and impactful – is always temporary. Each person is destined for eternity somewhere else. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. No one can live forever. That’s what each carved stone whispers to us from the cemetery. To dust we all return. No one is exempt...

A Living Grief2023-03-24T17:51:56+00:00

We Need the Peace of Christ

BARBARANNE KELLY|CONTRIBUTOR We live in a world at war. On Thursday, February 23rd, we woke to the news that Russian bombs were falling in Ukraine. My first thought was for my precious new friend, Tatiana, whose parents were in Odessa, shocked at what was unraveling before their eyes and unsure how to (or even if they should) escape their war-torn nation. They never thought they would live to witness a full-scale invasion of their home. * As horrifying as war is, it’s nothing new. The Treaty of Paris could no more have stopped the Russian Invasion of Ukraine than the Treaty of Versailles stopped Hitler. And yet, as awful as this new war is, the horror unfolding in Ukraine simply mirrors the spiritual battle each and every one of us face each and every moment of our lives. We need peace, a peace that reaches to the inner recesses of our hearts, a peace that is true and lasting. We need the peace only Christ can give. The Peace of Christ On the night of his arrest, the disciples were tucked away with Jesus, sharing with him what they didn’t yet realize would be their final meal together before the fury and terror of the cross. But Jesus knew. Furthermore, Jesus knew where he was going, and he’d told his disciples repeatedly that he would be arrested, killed, and raised on the third day. Though they’d seen his miracles and believed with God-given faith that he is the Messiah, they still didn’t fully grasp what it all meant. They didn’t realize that David’s King of Zion (Psalm 2) and Isaiah’s Suffering Servant (Isaiah 53) are one and the same. They didn’t understand all the implications of his Messianic mission, but Jesus knew that from the moment of his arrest they would desperately need his peace. So, he promised:

We Need the Peace of Christ2023-03-24T18:06:50+00:00

Five Steps Toward Discernment

TASHA CHAPMAN | GUEST “…for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord” (Eph. 5:8-10). “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God” (Phil. 1:9-11). On most days we have hard decisions to make and tough responses to give. Some are especially burdensome and can easily result in conflict. Negotiating a project with a co-worker. Saying “no” to a friend. Meeting with a child’s teacher. Building bridges with a neighbor. These challenges immediately raise our need for discernment. Throughout the Bible’s stories, God’s people have urgent needs for discernment. Early in his reign, when God visited King Solomon in a dream, Solomon’s one request of God was for discernment to govern the people rightly (1 Kings 3:9-11).  The psalmists declare that they need God’s help to confess sin because God discerns our hearts better than we do ourselves (Ps. 19:12; 139:2). The prophet Isaiah exposes idolatry as a ridiculous lack of human discernment (Is. 44:18-20). We see the importance of discernment in the Apostle Paul’s command and prayer for the churches (noted above). How can we think more discerningly about our complicated decisions and challenging responses?

Five Steps Toward Discernment2023-03-24T18:08:25+00:00
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